You act in a manner that makes you proud when you look back on it. Your self-esteem is created by the way you choose to live in the world, no matter what others do or say.

I discussed it with mine and no matter how strong my resolution was before hand, all the begging, anger and promises made me change my mind. I stayed. Huge mistake. You no your AH. You already know what to do. Trust yourself.

Then I can not tell him. I am doing this for me, and I will feel stronger if I don't talk to him before hand. When I look back, I want to be able to say, I did it!! thank you both for your wisdom and sharing your experience. There is nothing like getting "I've been there" encouragement.

I kept it a secret for as long as I could. I began working more, grabbed another job, saved money, searched for a place for the kids and I. Then once it was altogether, apartment secured - two weeks before I was leaving I told him because we were "getting along". Of course, he began the I will do whatever I have to do fix this. Take your space, you need it... blah, blah, blah. That's when I realized he had already hooked up with the neighbor down the street. Hindsight, I never should have told him where I was going let alone when.

You have to do what's best for you; if you feel he will give the empty promises then I would second guess he decision to talk to him any time soon. Get your ducks in a row, have a plan and secure it then decide when/if the time is right to tell him.

Best of luck to you! Take care of yourself!!

Do what works best for you. If you need to keep it quiet until you leave, then do that.

I would probably not tell much in advance. Alcoholics are very manipulative and we are very vulnerable to their manipulation. I would tell him the day of or afterwards. In the end, he has been unable to treat you with a lot of respect. We worry so much how they will react when we really need to just focus on ourselves.

Very well put Karen.