Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
I have made a huge step! My AH was served divorce papers this past Friday. I am so proud of myself and so thankful I prepared myself for a fight. He is being nasty. He's using every scare tactic he can think of in an attempt to coerce me into postponing//canceling/backing out. If anything, it's just reaffirming my decision.
So far he has broken most of the pictures in the house by throwing them against the wall leaving glass all over everything, holes in the wall and ripped up pictures. He also put some of my belongings in the garage which resulted in my work laptop being stolen - now granted, I don't know for certain that it was. It's possible he may have broken it when tossing it into the garage and let me think it was stolen. Can't say I trust the guy enough to believe that he didn't do something with it.
I am so over being married to him. Now that I am 100% certain I want to move forward with the divorce, suddenly he's interested in going to a treatment facility and getting a job and blah, blah, blah. I've heard all the famous lies so many times that they go in one ear and right out the other. Of course, when he doesn't get the anticipated reaction from me, he then gets aggressive and starts slinging threats again.
For his sake (and our daughter's), I do hope he does treatment. It won't do a darn thing to salvage our relationship, but maybe he'd get a life again and figure out how to be a better Dad and a decent ex.
As excited as I am over this accomplishment, I have more steps to go before this divorce is over. I'm hoping he'll start to play nice and realize he'll get a lot further by working with me instead of using the passive/aggressive tactics he's relied on so far.
For now, I'm taking an hour or so at a time. We're still in the same household, which is scary and awkward. The hearing is scheduled for early next month. I have my fingers and toes crossed that it goes well.
So far he has broken most of the pictures in the house by throwing them against the wall leaving glass all over everything, holes in the wall and ripped up pictures. He also put some of my belongings in the garage which resulted in my work laptop being stolen - now granted, I don't know for certain that it was. It's possible he may have broken it when tossing it into the garage and let me think it was stolen. Can't say I trust the guy enough to believe that he didn't do something with it.
I am so over being married to him. Now that I am 100% certain I want to move forward with the divorce, suddenly he's interested in going to a treatment facility and getting a job and blah, blah, blah. I've heard all the famous lies so many times that they go in one ear and right out the other. Of course, when he doesn't get the anticipated reaction from me, he then gets aggressive and starts slinging threats again.
For his sake (and our daughter's), I do hope he does treatment. It won't do a darn thing to salvage our relationship, but maybe he'd get a life again and figure out how to be a better Dad and a decent ex.
As excited as I am over this accomplishment, I have more steps to go before this divorce is over. I'm hoping he'll start to play nice and realize he'll get a lot further by working with me instead of using the passive/aggressive tactics he's relied on so far.
For now, I'm taking an hour or so at a time. We're still in the same household, which is scary and awkward. The hearing is scheduled for early next month. I have my fingers and toes crossed that it goes well.
You are off to a rough start but it will get better
Good luck and I hope you don't have to deal with as much hell as I am dealing with with my alchi.
I was so proud of myself though. After attempting to get him into a different center and them telling him it wasn't the right place for him, I told him that it was his problem, not mine and he needed to figure it out. My daughter and I continued with our plans and headed out of town. I didn't try to fix things for him.
Since then, he's been home. He didn't go into another facility. He's been attending AA meetings (a huge surprise), but those are starting to drop off the importance list as well. He is updating his resume and trying to figure out where he's going to live though - this is good. And, he's willing to let my daughter and I keep the house (I need to buy it from him though to get his name off the deed).
So, some things are going okay. He is being amicable although he keeps telling me that just staying married would be so much easier and a lot less expensive. Yes, a lot of things would have been so much easier and a lot less expensive - starting 12 years ago and definitely the last 6 when he hasn't worked a job and expected me to keep us afloat.
Funny how they always try to turn things onto you and make you look like the bad guy.
Things are progressing though - I'm thankful for that. One day at a time.