Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
Hi all - I'm a newbie. I've been reading through the posts and appreciate the inspiration.
I've been dealing with my husband's alcoholism for year's - finally made the decision that it's time to leave. In making that decision, I've been sick to my stomach. To overcome that feeling, I went to the web - found sites like this to read posts from others and am finding inspiration to continue on this journey of leaving.
Here's my story... married for 11.5 years - together for 4 years before that. Didn't see the alcoholism until 6 or so months after our marriage. Had one miscarriage, which he wasn't there to support and have had one child who is now 10. It's her that has kept me in this marriage all this time.
His threats - I can leave, but not with her. He won't lose this child like he did his other three (he was married previously and is no longer part of their lives - long story).
As all alcoholics are, he is quite the manipulator. I fear that he can "talk" his way into custody or something similar. He also hasn't worked for the last 6 years (not by my choice) and said he'll go for alimony (what a joke). We live in a community property state so I fear being stuck with all the bills...
I have a good job, we have a nice house, I pay all the bills currently and basically have enabled him to live his alcoholic life for years. I'm fed up. For the last year and a half, he has relapsed every other month. One month sober, one month recovering from a relapse, one month sober, etc.
His last relapse was the beginning of March. This one is different. I haven't been supportive, empathetic or caring. I'm not making him dinner or making sure that he has eaten. If he wants me to go to the store for him because "he doesn't want to drive", I tell him "no". Although I don't want him to drive, I am so done enabling him.
This journey ahead of me is going to be a hard one. I absolutely want an amicable divorce, but realize with an alcoholic, that's quite a wish. I'm submitting this post as an accountability factor for myself. .The more people I tell, the more I'll feel like I have to follow-through.
Here's to next steps!!
I've been dealing with my husband's alcoholism for year's - finally made the decision that it's time to leave. In making that decision, I've been sick to my stomach. To overcome that feeling, I went to the web - found sites like this to read posts from others and am finding inspiration to continue on this journey of leaving.
Here's my story... married for 11.5 years - together for 4 years before that. Didn't see the alcoholism until 6 or so months after our marriage. Had one miscarriage, which he wasn't there to support and have had one child who is now 10. It's her that has kept me in this marriage all this time.
His threats - I can leave, but not with her. He won't lose this child like he did his other three (he was married previously and is no longer part of their lives - long story).
As all alcoholics are, he is quite the manipulator. I fear that he can "talk" his way into custody or something similar. He also hasn't worked for the last 6 years (not by my choice) and said he'll go for alimony (what a joke). We live in a community property state so I fear being stuck with all the bills...
I have a good job, we have a nice house, I pay all the bills currently and basically have enabled him to live his alcoholic life for years. I'm fed up. For the last year and a half, he has relapsed every other month. One month sober, one month recovering from a relapse, one month sober, etc.
His last relapse was the beginning of March. This one is different. I haven't been supportive, empathetic or caring. I'm not making him dinner or making sure that he has eaten. If he wants me to go to the store for him because "he doesn't want to drive", I tell him "no". Although I don't want him to drive, I am so done enabling him.
This journey ahead of me is going to be a hard one. I absolutely want an amicable divorce, but realize with an alcoholic, that's quite a wish. I'm submitting this post as an accountability factor for myself. .The more people I tell, the more I'll feel like I have to follow-through.
Here's to next steps!!
Best steps.
Has he ever physically harm you thrown stuff at you made you ride with
Him drinking or five while drinking with the child in the car.
If so he is putting your chuld, you and other at risk of a potiential life tgreating
Event.
I wish you the Very Best.. many hugs and prayers for you and your family
It is a very hard thing to do you are willing to do a hundred 0/0 turn around
Y here is to next steps too.
He hasn't physically harmed me or our daughter. Just emotional abuse - mainly manipulation, guilt and bringing our daughter into our fights as a way to gain control of the argument.
He drinks non-stop. At his worst, he can drink a liter of Vodka a day, plus a 30-pack. He hasn't been drinking much beer this time around, just Vodka. What's ironic is that he attended a required alcohol class several years ago. He spoke of those people - the ones that drank only Vodka and what they looked like and how it sickened him. And now, he is one of them.
I feel as though there's no option other than me getting custody - that the facts will stand by me. There's always fear though. I have experienced the legal system here and am not impressed. What should be cut and dry often isn't.
Thanks for your support, hugs and prayers. I will need them! =)