Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

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dkay206 01/12/2019

I’m having a hard time dealing with my AH’s behaviors. I try to sit back and say nothing, but his very actions make me hate him. Yes, hate. It is a strong word, but I can’t beleive that I was stupid enough to remarry this man knowing he had drinking problems. Stupid me!

Am I crazy or would you think this is inappropriate. The other night, my husband had to go pick up a Rx (he has depression and on meds for a mild heart attack he had in Nov) I happen to look outside and see him go into the garage frig and grab a beer to drive to the pharmacy. What is wrong with him? I questioned him when he got back, “did you need to take a beer to pick up your meds?” He just laughed at me. I told him laugh but you are just stupid. The next evening, he got called out to work after already coming home. He took what was left of a 12 pack(7 beers) with him to the job. This is the stuff that makes me want to leave. He isn’t doing anything to me, but I can’t handle the person he is and how alcohol is so important to him.

Am I out of line? He thinks I’m the crazy one. I don’t know...am I? Should I lay off? Or am I a normal thinking person that those things are wrong!

Alex265 01/13/2019

Of course you're not crazy. Alcoholics are not completely with reality and the second you try to give them a glimpse of reality and facts they dismiss the problem or make you seem like you're the problem or making a big deal out of something. Don't ever let your husband take reality away from you. You indeed have the right to speak up about such a serious issue that does affect you. I will say dont try and change him because unfortunately with most alcoholics they wont change or get help until they are ready and when they want to. I spent years trying to force, convince my AH to go to rehab and he has but relapse many times..has 2 dui since then. So I now just focus on myself and I made a decision to get out of this relationship and unfortunately since he's the bread winner I have to build independence before escaping. My suggestion would be is for you to figure out if you want to stay in that or not. If the answer is yes then just give him the resources to get help but take care of yourself..it will drain you to put all of yourself into the illness of your husband

Juliennes 01/14/2019

Life with an alcoholic is extremely stressful and draining. It is difficult to watch them do what they are doing and accept it. While they are in the throws of their disease you cannot reason with them and they cannot see the reality of all the damage they are doing. It becomes so frustrating for me that I want to scream at my husband because of the of the sheer insanity of what he is doing to himself and all of us around him. I see him passed out on the couch while I run around trying to work, take care of our kids and hold things together and want to just kick him ( I don't, even though I want to!) I wish screaming or kicking or simply trying to reason with them would make some difference, but as we all know, it doesn't. They have to come to the realization that they need help and want to change on their own. I just wish that it were easier for all of us who are along for the ride. Hugs...

sweetiepie212121 01/14/2019

An alcoholic is very selfish and does not consider anyone else except the bar tender who feeds them alcohol and those who sell them it in stores. I have been through the hating stage and I am not proud of this I pushed him over when he was drunk a few times in the worst times.

Moving forward I am on anti depressants and am focusing on other things than him. Yes he drinks 24/7 and is my strong love who works. There is no point arguing with them because it is us left feeling mad because they do not listen. There are good times and bad times, usually I can tolerate him. Other times I scream at him to leave me alone. These alcoholics can send us round the bend if we don't be careful.

Now though I feel peace even when he drinks not taking notice of him. If he drank and wasn't verbally agressive towards me things would be better for me to cope with him.

This morning he said that he needs to cut down drinking and sleeping all the time. I asked him why then he said am I starting an argument. I was trying to get him to realise.

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