Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
Yup still here lurking, which means I am still married to a functioning alcoholic who is still drinking.
So much has happened since my last post. My "admittance" (I have no problem admitting, this is what AH calls it) of co-dependency on my part and subsequent changes to work on that. His week of completely narcissistic, psycho behavior that put me in the position of being one foot out the door. His "plan" to control the drinking by drinking "moderately" one day a week, and eventual complete failure of his "plan". Another drinking episode...and on and on. I wanted individual counseling months ago that he was completely resistant too, and he was resistant to marriage counseling as well. Then HE decided we needed marriage counseling, so we are going...my question is this...
Have you even known someone to feel elated after a counseling session? One that was very emotional for their partner...and one in which they manipulated and/or monopolized most of the session? That is what he did for most of the session....and that was how he felt at the end...energized and "validated". I however, felt drained and very slightly hopeful. (After he told me how he felt, my hope dimished even more). I think that he felt energized because he felt that he got undivided attention (he craves that), validated I don't get....unless he seriously made up his own dialogue for the counselor in his head.
So much has happened since my last post. My "admittance" (I have no problem admitting, this is what AH calls it) of co-dependency on my part and subsequent changes to work on that. His week of completely narcissistic, psycho behavior that put me in the position of being one foot out the door. His "plan" to control the drinking by drinking "moderately" one day a week, and eventual complete failure of his "plan". Another drinking episode...and on and on. I wanted individual counseling months ago that he was completely resistant too, and he was resistant to marriage counseling as well. Then HE decided we needed marriage counseling, so we are going...my question is this...
Have you even known someone to feel elated after a counseling session? One that was very emotional for their partner...and one in which they manipulated and/or monopolized most of the session? That is what he did for most of the session....and that was how he felt at the end...energized and "validated". I however, felt drained and very slightly hopeful. (After he told me how he felt, my hope dimished even more). I think that he felt energized because he felt that he got undivided attention (he craves that), validated I don't get....unless he seriously made up his own dialogue for the counselor in his head.
We tried the controlled drinking thing too. He still hid and drank behind my back.
We are in the process of getting a divorce. He cheated on me with a co-worker and they are still together. I was/am crushed. But at least I am out of the roller coaster craziness life that I had with him!
Wishing you lots of strength. Hugs!
My STBX AH thinks he can control his drinking too. We were in family therapy, the therapist had no problem pointing out my "flaws"..she said I was a black belt co-dependant bubble wrap mother, who needed to get healthy, if my family were going to get healthy, but wouldn't touch my AH's drinking issues, despite our son saying in a session his father beat the shit out of him when he was drunk (I just found out about this, my son never told me). So I empathize with you, and I'm also a registered post graduate degreed counsellor, and some really aren't very good (like the one we had).
Again, speak up and let your thoughts and needs be heard…the goal of counselling is to help people have insight about themselves, make BOTH people feel heard and safe, not just one.