Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
So we tried marriage counseling a few years ago, but AH is so good at talking...he can spin things and make himself look so wonderful. I haven't wanted to go to counseling on my own until today, now that I know what I want. I want to be able to set appropriate, healthy boundaries with the correct consequences. I want to determing what I am able and not able to live with, and then communicate that to AH so he knows. This is scary, but it feels good, it brings some hope. I feel that separation is near which is both scary and exciting, I just need an end to the crazy cycle. As the kids get older I see his anger hurting them and that is untolerable for me.
So the search is on for a therapist. I think I have a friend that is willing to watch my kids so I can go, waiting to hear back from her.
I am sending prayers for you with your counseling. Each step is a bit scary. Then you look back and think it wasn't so hard after all.
It was extremely valuable to me, and to my kids. I would ask the therapist how I should help the kids through this, too. It's been less than a year since I started therapy and I am so much more confident now in my ability to leave in the near future. Before therapy I just wanted to die because I couldn't see a way out. I am now able to openly talk with the kids about their father, and let them know that I will always be there for them, and regardless of whether or not I stay with their father, I will always pray for him to get well so they can have a good relationship with him. This is such a change from how I was last summer.
I think you'll find counseling very valuable for you. And if after a while you feel you aren't being heard by the therapist or your recovery has stalled, it's fine to look for a new one. I am now looking for my next one, as the first one, as good as she was for my early days, I think isn't what I need now.
My AH and I did one joint session. The therapist wouldn't treat us together, because he was still active in his addiction and couldn't be honest with himself or anyone else. But that one session was awesome. The therapist totally validated everything I had been through. I was still in the days of feeling like all of his bad behavior was my fault.
Wishing you well!