hello everyone. I’ve been reading posts but not posting or even responding for the last few weeks, but please know you are all always in my heart and prayers. Over the holidays things with AH took a terrible turn for the worst. He changed so quickly it was mind numbing and I just knew something had to change, and it had to be me IN A BIG WAY. So I took a good look at myself and decided I would try to be brave and do whatever I needed to do to untangle myself from the increasing chaos. Now, I love my husband and realize he is a very sick man, filled with fear and shame and ANGER. But for too many years I’ve tried everything I could to help and just managed to get sick right along with him. So I’m shelling out $ 2X a months with a therapist I love. I’ve been to alanon and bought the daily readings books. And thanks to the only decent holiday gift my husband was able to get me ( I believe it was Divine Intervention) I have wireless headphones, but more about them later ! I stArted listening to you tube and podcasts about codependency in my car. Wow is there some good info out there. I even invested in an online program that I love, love love! Hence the value to me of the wireless headphones. I plop them on listen to my lessons, instead of focusing on how annoying AH is. I am learning how to really establish and communicate boundaries and have decided to move along with the business of possible separation. I have notified AH using some communication skills I’ve learned.ive even gone so far as to wake him early in the morning to speak to him, as this is as close to sober moments as possible. I’m trying not to obsess over the “ stories” ..... I’m TRYING not to engage when he is drunk/ stoned. I’m trying to recognize that if his behaviors are making me uncomfortable in any way it’s not my fault and I need to take care of myself FIRST. This is a game changer for me, and harder than I thought, but I am starting to feel a little stronger and hopeful for MY OWN future. 

Ilove everyone here! This forum saved my life and I am so grateful to all of you for sharing and supporting. I will keep you in the loop if I stumble upon any great wisdom lol.  It I wanted to say that it is so important for us to remember how awesome we are, how strong and loving we are. I think good thought about ourselves get lost in this disease and we forget who WE are. Sending ❤️