I’m aftraid you and I have a lot in common. It’s so sad they leave us feeling this way. I’ve been questioning a lot in my marriage lately and need answers. I found a couple of audio books that seem to help me keep my sanity.
*Loving the Alcoholic in your Life
*Coping with an Alcoholic Spouse
I hope this helps you sort through your feelings.

Thank you, I shall download them and have a listen. It's a "drinking day" today, he came home at lunch time but tried to tell me he was still at work, I ALWAYS know when he is lying but he still continues to do it. I know others lives aren't perfect and Prince charming doesn't exist but I just ask for a normal, uneventful, every day life with my husband.
I'm sad about always feeling sad

I am sitting reading your post and just sad at how it mirrors my own life to the T!!! The only difference between our circumstances is that i actually made the hardest decision of my life last week and sent him out into being homeless. Its been tearing me up because his is basically living like a homeless person just in a unliveable one room "house"...no hot water, no heat, hardly any food and nobody who gives a crap about him or how he is living. Its been freezing here and its been really messing with my head and im torn about whether i made the right decision. But is it enough for my husband to WAKE UP??? I was sadly holding onto hope for a minute but he once again ripped that away from me last night when he called me drunk and belligerent and has allowed it to carry into today. So now im sitting here thinking well at least i dont have to worry about going home to this nonsense tonight. He is the same way drinking...makes messes doesnt pick up or care to take care of the home i have invested in financially and physically to make it a HOME for US!!! I know its a disease but its also a choice and by them choosing to not get help or even acknowledge their problem and the destruction it is causing then that is them choosing to continue this pattern. I just pray every day for God to give me the strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other and not give in to my husband manipulating my feelings as always. I want to be strong enough to not bring him home until he shows some real concrete proof that he is ready to actually commit to changing his behavior. Until then i have to be strong and not let my heart get the best of me. I love him as we all love our spouses but speaking only for myself i could actually feel myself getting ready to snap and lose my sanity because of it. I cant allow that to happen.

Lovehurts1978 just wanted to see how you were doing and if your husband was still not at home? I only ask because it's where I have got too, I'm losing my sanity with the drinking and now he is talking about not wanting to live anymore.
I have no strength or energy left, today I broke down at work and told my boss and colleagues, who were amazing but I feel it has become part of me and I hate the disease for that.
I know I need to walk away for my sanity but if I do, he will lose everything and probably die. The thought destroys me and I don't know how I would ever forgive myself if that happened.
I wish I knew the answer.

Hi Sll82....I just saw your comment. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I wish i could give you a hug cause believe me i know how hard and heartbreaking it is. I let my husband come home for Thanksgiving and it was only supposed to be for the night but he has been there ever since. I am happy to say he has not been drinking but i still wonder if i am doing the right thing. He needs to do so much work on himself but i dont know if he is quite ready. Right now i am leaving it in God's hands. I almost didnt see this post so please feel free to send me a friend request and message me so i dont miss your messages. Stay strong and know i am here.

Unfortunately not all alcoholics can be saved unless they want. Drink or no drink if they are evil gives them no excuse but we have got a choice to stay or go. They are great manipulates this relationship has been my worst. I am dating a non addict man next. Never again going near them.