Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

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DSTRICK 04/05/2018

Well last night started like all the other nights since i've started ignoring AH while drinking, which is anytime i'm around him! Before I could walk in the house from work I received a text.... Is the cook off tonight? I'm tired and i'm hungry! Well this didn't hit very well with me. I'm tired also doesn't really matter that I have a desk job and you don't, my job is mentally exhausting. I refused to blow up so I cooked, even fixed him a plate all quit until bed time. He then came to bed wanting to know why I hate him??? Why do I not speak to him and treat him like crap??? I then lost it.... I don't hate him I hate the alcohol, he's facing some major life threating decisions and it pisses me off that he chooses to continue drinking! I asked him if he has any clue to what a doctor will tell him in regards to kidney failure? Does he have any idea what dialysis is? No, was his answer... OK so dialysis isn't a shot or a pill that you take on a daily basis as I explained the procedure to him he sat in silent. He is going to let this kill him because he's not capable of seeking help. Or should I say he doesn't want the headaches of quiting. He has something bad to say about AA he has something bad to say about Rehab. All is excuses!

At that moment it hit me and I felt the urge to just hug him and as I cried all I could say was I don't want him to die hating me or to feel alone! I admitted that I do love him however its just not the same love anymore. As much as i'm ready to move on and be happy I don't think I can really be happy until his life is over. This breaks my heart to say but I know that he will not quit and I know it doesn't matter how nice or loving I am to him He will always attack me with his harsh words its just their way to cope. I will not continue to fight against him. His life, his choice all I can do is make sure I have a clear conscience and know that i've been there the past 31 years trying to make our marraige better and our home a home!

ellabella2 04/06/2018

DSTRICK- you’re such a sweet sweet woman! I can totally relate to your feelings! It’s such a vicious thing to deal with. We live our AH but HATE the alcohol and the things that it makes them do. It’s so not fair. We could have wonderful lives together if our AH weren’t so addicted. I’m sorry you are going thru so much. You’re in my thoughts and prayers!

DSTRICK 04/06/2018

thank u Ella,

learningpatience 04/09/2018

i haven't been around for awhile because i'm so busy with work and life (and trying not to fall asleep) but i think of you often and i'm sorry that it's still such a struggle. what a hard realization but maybe a necessary one. i decided i didn't want to spend the rest of my life putting his mental health before mine so i just stopped giving a shit. oh, you drank too much and you can't drive home? okay, sleep in your car. no, you want a lift to the house? call a cab. you fell asleep on the couch in the cold room? your problem. need to get up early? too bad you didn't set your alarm. there's still some love, but i feel it fading. he had that huge set back a few days ago and i feel like i don't even know him. it's like there's a stranger living in our house, a kind of a roommate, but one you'd be happy to tell to get lost since he's not pulling his weight. it's hard, but i'm trying to put the kids first and get my ducks in a row. <3

DSTRICK 04/09/2018

Thank u. It hasn’t been to bad the last few days since he knows that I’m completely over it. We’ll see how things go. On the good note I think of my granddaughters have only 4 & 5 years till their out of school if I make it that long he has been informed that I’m done with him! My life will begin then. Stay strong we got this.

Nick1007 04/12/2018

DSTRICK,

I am completely impressed by the warmth you showed. I envy it right now. I had my first mental breakdown last night and I feel embarrassed that I let his actions get to me.

My husband brings in income, but he doesn't have to go an actual workspace. He is also being paid to go to school as well. We had an unsuccessful IVF cycle, and it was really hard on me and he spent the last 10 days drinking all day and all night. He was having me do his homework, he's missing important appointments and forgot to pick me up from work like he had promised. He destroyed the house on a daily basis, forgot to walk our dog, and urinated all over our couch. I too also have a hard job and I am at it for 12 hours most days.

Regardless though, I usually handle it better and just put my head down and help him and clean up after him until his binge is over. Last night, I lost my mind. I destroyed my own house out of anger while he watched. I was trying to get him to listen to me and to care, but he was drunk and didn't really care. I was up until 2am cleaning the house I destroyed. I can't cope right now. How do you do it?

DSTRICK 04/12/2018

Nick, your kind words means alot but its all a game that we play day after day. Some days I just play better than other days.... I guess we get used to what their actions will be and its up to how you feel that day if you wanna play nice or play hard ball! Don't beat yourself up for loosing control, we all loose it at times. And it's really ok to loose it at times if not the alcohol will suck you in. After so many years i'm learning and i'm trying so hard to pull myself out, one day I will succeed! But one thing I have learned is I will not take the blame and I will not make this game easy for him anymore.

I know its hard but let him clean his own mess up and you try to focus on yourself. Stay strong sending hugs and prayers!

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