My only advice is that it is hardly worth it. A drunk person loses sight of reality and can’t keep promises. So sorry..been there just to have the promises broken as well as my heart over and over. On the other hand, never hurts to try...isn’t that what we al continue to do....try.

I know, it's pointless. I'm fed up with hearing the same old reasons for drinking, followed by more drinking, followed by guilt and promises.
I made a promise to myself I would not live another year like I have done, I had high hopes for 2019 but at this rate looks like I will be seeing 2020 in on my own. I always said I would rather be lonely on my own than lonely in a relationship- Well that is exactly what you are when loving an alcoholic!

It is so disheartening to talk to them when they are sober and they swear up and down what they are going to do and not do, and then everything quickly goes right out the window as soon as they have a drink. It has broken my heart into so many pieces over and over that, I really try not to even go there anymore which is just sad. I wish I had advice but I don't just wanted you to know that you were not alone.

Thank you and it's so very sad that we all feel the same thing and experience the same heartache and disappointment constantly. By nature we are all caring people that want to help others, you can see it so clearly from the comments to each other on here!
I read on an al-anon web page that alcoholics by default seek out neutering, caring partners so someone will look after them. It really stuck with me because i sat and thought if i wasnt that person i woukd have run a mile a long time ago!!
What a crappy place to be hey?!!

So true! And it sadly seems to go unappreciated! Sigh....

We all deserve so much more. Every day, I say I’m not going to live this way. I say to myself., I’ll leave after our son’s wedding...after the holidays, now I’m at after winter is over...ugh

In the beginning stages of his alcoholism I thought I could set boundaries being fed up but like you said..if just gets broken when he drinks and useless even with threats. So years later the only boundary I have is he cant drink when me or children are around ...he has to do it alone. So he just waits until everyone falls asleep to go ahead and binge drink. Over the years of his alcoholism..In the middle of the night I have found him peeing outsid..even though the bathrooms are available. Puking in the bathroom sink...gross. Peeing in the kitchen sink...even though again the bathrooms are free..and even a few years ago he actually peed on himself on the couch..he sometimes get very loud stay out at bars passed the boundary set time..one of the things that attracted me to him was I loved how clean cut he was and very tidy. It actually caused me to be a more tidy person. That's all gone
.hes not the same person. Its been a rollercoaster of getting better, then getting worst then getting at its worst to getting better again.

I have learned with my ah most boundaries go out of the window unless you keep enforcing verbally regularly. They get annoyed at first before realising you will not budge.

When he is aggressive to me I ask him to leave me alone go to his wine. I previously went through the tears begging him to get help before realising I am powerless

Dkay206,

I used to think similar until deciding I will focus on getting better educated before I leave. He helps me through it, and deep down I love him to bits. I don't agree with his drinking ignoring most of the time.

Last night I said enough is enough and here I am still with him. It is a tough situation for all of us to be in.

So I’ve just learned over the weekend that the boundaries we set are for US not our AH’s. We need to set boundaries for ourselves to continue to live a healthier life for us....I had no idea

One rule is he follows in the morning when up for a drink he lays on the sofa. This helps me get to sleep instead of sleep deprivation. Another is I let him know if he wants a favour I do in my own time, when I choose to do not when he says jump. I laugh mainly it is my way of coping. I reached a point of being distant.

I was right were you are Sweetie distant and disconnected. I would build so many walls around myself for my own protection but I ended up loosing my reality. Stay strong and know you’re worth it too.