Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
Wow...it's been so long since I've been on here. Having a really bad night, so I needed to get on here and read a bit, cry a bit, vent a bit.
Well, it's been 4mo since my husband and I officially called it off. He has stayed sober since the third week of May, thankfully...too bad our marriage couldn't survive. I never expected his sobriety, of all things, to be what killed our marriage. I could blame the alcohol before...now I'm blaming his sobriety. That's so messed up! I am eternally thankful that he sobered up, and has maintained it...but I never expected it to end us.
I have my good days and my bad days. Today is a bad day. I miss him like CRAZY today! I've been doing really good, but the last week has been HARD! I think it's because he and I have been playing a few games together on the computer once in a while, he has spoken with me about his son a bit this week, we've been communicating a bit more. He tells me that he loves me at the end of conversations (we haven't had a verbal conversation in at least 2 months...all conversations are via text or Facebook) and it kills me. I know it isn't an "I Love You" that means anything other than, I love ya bc you love me...I love ya bc I know you're there for me when I need it...I love ya bc I realize what I did. But it still kills me to read it. We are not talking a lot...a few messages the last week or two. I miss him soooo much. I've tried dating...but nobody is him. I know that sounds ridiculously stupid. He was the alcoholic. He is the one who left the marriage and decided that it wouldn't work. He already has a woman regularly staying in our home (a woman from his AA group). Those are three GREAT reasons to move on. Yet here I am tonight, bawling my eyes out because I miss him so much that it hurts.
Like I said...I have days I'm fine. Heck, most days I'm ok. Today is just especially hard...and nobody seems to understand it. Maybe I should completely cut off ties with him? The divorce finalized right before Christmas. We have no property together, no shared children...really no reason, other than a desire to at least be friendly with one another, to stay in contact at all. I wonder if just cutting off ties would help me to heal faster? I'm not sure that it would...but something has to give here.
I realize it's only been 4mo...I realize that I'm human...but this is almost as bad as being with him and watching him kill himself with alcohol. My heart still hurts just as bad, just in a different way.
Well, it's been 4mo since my husband and I officially called it off. He has stayed sober since the third week of May, thankfully...too bad our marriage couldn't survive. I never expected his sobriety, of all things, to be what killed our marriage. I could blame the alcohol before...now I'm blaming his sobriety. That's so messed up! I am eternally thankful that he sobered up, and has maintained it...but I never expected it to end us.
I have my good days and my bad days. Today is a bad day. I miss him like CRAZY today! I've been doing really good, but the last week has been HARD! I think it's because he and I have been playing a few games together on the computer once in a while, he has spoken with me about his son a bit this week, we've been communicating a bit more. He tells me that he loves me at the end of conversations (we haven't had a verbal conversation in at least 2 months...all conversations are via text or Facebook) and it kills me. I know it isn't an "I Love You" that means anything other than, I love ya bc you love me...I love ya bc I know you're there for me when I need it...I love ya bc I realize what I did. But it still kills me to read it. We are not talking a lot...a few messages the last week or two. I miss him soooo much. I've tried dating...but nobody is him. I know that sounds ridiculously stupid. He was the alcoholic. He is the one who left the marriage and decided that it wouldn't work. He already has a woman regularly staying in our home (a woman from his AA group). Those are three GREAT reasons to move on. Yet here I am tonight, bawling my eyes out because I miss him so much that it hurts.
Like I said...I have days I'm fine. Heck, most days I'm ok. Today is just especially hard...and nobody seems to understand it. Maybe I should completely cut off ties with him? The divorce finalized right before Christmas. We have no property together, no shared children...really no reason, other than a desire to at least be friendly with one another, to stay in contact at all. I wonder if just cutting off ties would help me to heal faster? I'm not sure that it would...but something has to give here.
I realize it's only been 4mo...I realize that I'm human...but this is almost as bad as being with him and watching him kill himself with alcohol. My heart still hurts just as bad, just in a different way.
I think the holidays are a hard time to be alone, I cried a lot these last few weeks. I will always miss the man I loved, sadly he doesn't exist anymore. This other person sounds the same, but isn't him.
Don't beat yourself up, change and growth takes time. It's o.k. to feel sad, and it's o.k. to be strong, sometimes crying is therapeutic.
be proud of yourself, you took a chance on you!
I felt differently at four months than I do now.Get to meetings if you can and reach out and share/get a sponsor, if you havent already and are able to do so. It has helped me so much.
I told him last night that I can no longer speak with him, no longer play the games online that we had been. I told him, as honestly as I could, why. I told him that he left the relationship and has been fixing himself...now it's my turn. I deserve, in time, someone who loves me and wouldn't leave me bc I'm struggling (as I did with my husband)...someone that I love and wouldn't ever leave...and this future man deserves to have my full attention. I can't do that with him around. As I said, we have no ties...no reason to stay in contact. Contact is not allowing me to move on...so, I ended it completely last night. Hopefully he respects that.
I realize that time will heal things. Guess I'm expecting it to go faster than it has. I've had other relationships before and bounced back in a reasonable amount of time. This time, it's just killing me...one week I'm fine, happy...the next week I have a few days where I miss him (I never initiate contact tho, I'm stronger than that. All contact is always initiated by him). Then there are days like yesterday where I'm a mess. Today I'm better. I feel a bit more free, since I said what I said to him last night.