I joined this group originally a few years ago for support. My husband is an alcoholic and I wanted to be able to talk to women in similar circumstances. My AH doesn't go to bars, doesn't drink and drive. I have never, in the sixteen years we have been together, had to worry about him cheating on me and I have never cheated on him. Yes, he can be hateful when he's drinking, but it's been at other people way more than me. He's never laid a hand on me. I have had my days when I didn't think I could take anymore, but at the end of the day, he's only killing himself with his drinking. Do I want to watch him die? Of course not. But we have more happy times than bad times. Since joining this group, I've had a lot of other issues happen that tore my soul into pieces. This past year alone, I have had to give up my business, had three car accidents and have been dealing with medical problems. But the one thing that has changed my life more than having an alcoholic husband was losing my son last May. That changed the way I look at life, at people, everything. No matter how hard you think your life is, it is nothing compared to losing your child. I have learned that it's not my place to judge people and why they choose to live the way they do. It's not about not wanting to hear the 'truth'. My circumstances are different and I look at them differently than what I did before. Do I want to spend my life with an AH? Of course I don't. If I had to worry about him cheating or going to bars and staying out all night, that would be different. I've been in those relationships and walked away without looking back. I do have boundaries. I don't like how he can be hateful but I've learned new ways to cope with that and I speak up way more than I used to about it. I come hear to read how others are working on their relationships and hopefully learn something. My best friend of almost 35 years has an AH and I know for years, I would listen to her complain about it until one day I told her to either leave him or shut up about it. Well, she just prayed about it. And a few years ago, he had a heart attack and turned his life around. So, people can change. It might take something like that to make it happen, or they might just wake up one day and decide they no longer choose to live that way anymore. Or we may wake up one day and decide we no longer want to live that way. And they may never change. Either way, you can choose how you handle the situation. But the main thing is to be kind to others. I can get on here and tell you my story and just offer advice, or I can get on here and talk to you like you are stupid for living with an AH. Which one will you listen to and not be hurt by? I never want to hurt someone with words. Ever. If you want to get on here and vent about things, please do. That's what this is for. My life has been forever changed with the loss of my son. Living with an AH doesn't compare. Nothing does. But just know that I am here as a friend. Don't let life make you bitter. Whether you choose to live one way or the other, be happy. I'm sad more days than not, but losing your child will do that. I try to find something everyday to be happy about. And I hope you do, too.
Peace and hugs to you all.
Penny