Stand up and be strong my friends. Don't buy into the lies that this drinking problem is in any way your fault. They are the ones making the poor choices, not taking responsibility for their actions. Not making needed changes to become a healthy, functioning, mature adult. We are the strong ones. We are the ones who put others needs before our own and take care of the things that need to be taken care of. We make the changes we need, to grow and be better people. No amount of us giving our love to them, is going to make them change. They need to do it. We can stand by their side and be supportive, only if and/or when they decide to take the appropriate steps to truly heal their brokeness. But we do not have to take the blame for something they choose to do to themselves and to others around them.

Don't let them trivialize, minimize or ignore the suffering you have indured. Don't let them blame shift, project or deflect. Learn all you can about what alcoholism is, how it affects the addict and all involved. Learn all the tactics they may use to keep them drinking. Some of them may also be a narcissist. This is a whole other level of issues. If you think you may be living with a narcissist, learn all you can about this disorder and make an exit plan. Knowledge is power, the more you know and are aware of your situation, the more strength you will gain in how to handle what you have and will go through.

Really dig into your relationship with this person. You will find the truth. For some it will mean that there is a chance for change and growth. For others, you will see that they cannot and will not change and you need to get away from this toxic person, for your and your childrens(if you have any) sanity and in some cases, safety.

Find or turn to God, give all of this to him, even your AH. Don't carry burdens that aren't yours to carry. May you be blessed with wisdom and peace!