Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

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Ashamed how I lost it!

DSTRICK
DSTRICK

So last night when I got home he was as usual in his chair passed out. I cooked dinner and went to my room to eat, my 14 yr old came in and started to talk about some kittens she had seen that day and walked out. He some how heard pieces of what she was saying and assumed she was asking me for another cat and started to argue with her for going behind his back since they had just discussed the day before that she could not have anymore animals. I jumped to her defense and it started. I couldn't say anything without him over talking me and yelling all I was trying to do was explain what she was talking about and wasn't asking for another cat. One thing lead to another and I walked over to him and took the bottle of whiskey he had as  I was going to pour it out. But he come back with a remark as I opened the bottle and I just poured it on his chest. God I have never done the things that he pushes me into doing. He jumped up after me grabed my wrist and held me down on the couch yelling at me to NEVER DO THAT AGAIN! I kicked him and tried to get away but he held tighter. The girls then came into the room and I figured if I told them to call 911 he would let go. Nope he continued and sure enough she called. So now I have 13&14 yr old in a panic because this is the worst they have seen other than yellingfrom him. The police came talked to all of us I asked that since he didn't hit me that they didn't arrest him that I would take the girls and go to my daughters house. They could clearly see that he was intoxicatied. I hate that this happened it's been years since something like this has happened usually he just yells or argues until I give in or he passes out. I'm just so embrassed that I let him push me to that. He's the only person that can get me to this point and I hate it. 

Newlife4me
Newlife4me
Why put up with it? Kick him out or leave. Get your kids in a safe & healthy environment. You have the strength inside you.
ellabella2
ellabella2
It is amazing how far they can push us. In the last 9 years that I’ve been involved with my AH I have gone from a happy, carefree, bubbly 19 year old girl to an anxious, depressed, self conscious, overweight, worthless feeling 28 year old. We can only take so much. We are just imperfect humans. It’s only natural that we snap. Don’t worry about the girls, they are resilient and I’m sure they understand everything that goes on. It’ll be ok. In our first few years of marriage I had to deal with the police a lot. My AH was on probation for the first few years and was not supposed to be drinking. Not like he let that stop his drinking. So probation officers and police were almost a weekly event. So embarrassing. One night he came home drunk and woke me up and started a fight with me and then called the police because he said he wanted me to have to go to jail so I could know what it’s like. The police came and took pictures of me in my pajamas and took statements and ended up taking my AH to jail for the weekend. So that backfired on him lol. Such an a$$ hole. When I stop and think about all the crap he has said and done to me over the years, I really cannot believe I am still here with him. I’m sorry you had to go thru that last night. And I’m sorry the girls had to too. It’s so not fair!!! Try to hang in there. I’m sorry I don’t have any encouraging words. Just know you’re not alone. All of us in here deal with the same crap and a lot of us at one point or another have reacted the same way you did!! Hugs to you friend!!
DSTRICK
DSTRICK
thank u, unfortunately its not our 1st rodeo with the police coming out. 30 yrs and it's like every 7-8 yrs we have this. It's like I push it aside until I can't any longer and I start trying to break through to him.... this usually last a few months until I give in. This time has been going on 1.5 yrs now. Some days better than others depending on how I react to him. Newlife I agree I should put him out or leave... and i'm working on a plan now, I've never wanted to just put him out makes me feel like i'm abandoning him I know it's just something i'm gonna have to get over. I have always been depend on him financially and i've been spoiled by that but I do know what I have to do for me and these girls. They didn't ask for this and I promised them a better life when we adopted them. thank you both I know its hard on all of us to deal with. Hugs and prayers to both of u!
Faith
Faith
I’m so sorry that’s horrible. I feel you though. It’s hard to be the one always keeping it together for the betterment of the family. I hit my breaking point recently too, he’s been back and forth trying to be sober only lasts about a week and then we go through the same old cycle over and over again with the mood swings, anger, silent treatment. Then he began to tell me just how to do the house hold chores and how easy it was if we do them routinely ...which he’s never done before of course. I came up with some rude remark about how easy it must be for him to say since he’s not the one doing them just chose 1 week out of his life but this to will pass. I been angry with him...he went out last night drank and drove home drunk around midnight with vomit on his shirt. Supposedly he had some work meeting he attended at a restaurant which clearly closed at 9 so I’m not sure where he tied One on at and with whom he drank with. I’m in a need to know bases and apparently I don’t need to know anything. I grabbed his phone checked his calls and messages and he hit it out of my hands with his finger in my face yelling at my about how crazy I am and to just look at myself. It’s like I have no other place to go...I to rely on him financially and sometimes wish the kids and I can just bail. I guess I’m waiting for a couple of them to graduate to revisit our situation. I feel your pain. I’ve never felt so depressed in my life...he brings me joy when he’s sober, but this struggle is horrible. I can’t handle the moodiness so I just go to bed. I wish I had some words of wisdom, but I don’t. Just know that we’re all here for you. I pray for the day when all of our AH’s have overcome this evil.
djmoss50
djmoss50
I too live with an AH and I have lived this way for four years he began to drink after an automobile accident we both were in left us with injuries that caused him to not be able to work so he started drinking we will be married 12 yrs the 27th he gets sober on and off and for the past 2 months he has been sober until the last few days I could smell it and when I would ask if he drank he would look me in the face and lie . Today he came home and I could smell it he called me a bitch and told me I am the reason he drinks and I hit him . He is causing me to become a person I don’t want to be . I too feel lost but I also feel trapped .
jms7229
jms7229
Confession: I once poured a bottle of vodka on my passed out husband as well. That fight was a doozy,
That was several years ago I still have the urge from time to time, accompanied by the vision of smacking him good with the bottle.
All that darkness brought onto our homes and hearts. I’m working very hard on a healthier detachment AND on boundaries for MYSELF that are positive reflections of the person I want to be and the life I want for myself.
Love to you.
DSTRICK
DSTRICK
thank u JMS,
pregnantandscared
pregnantandscared
I can't tell you how many times I poured out a bottle of vodka, bottles of mouthwash (so sad) & in one event I grabbed a unopened 12 pack of beer and busted it all over the driveway. I have danced with the devil multiple times obviously. He got better at hiding his alcohol after that. He would lie and say he wasn't drinking, so when I'd find it I'd pour it out in front of his face and say "Oh you weren't having that were you." I've not been as testy over the past year, I am pregnant and tired.
DSTRICK
DSTRICK
Pregnant, I'm so sorry. My daughter is 8 mos pregnant and I'm just so thankful that she has a great husband with no addictions! My AH has drank our whole marriage but my pregnancies were 26 n 29 yrs ago he wasn't as bad as he is now... I guess it was bad but in different ways he would hang out after work in bars or with friends. Never had him to myself. Now he doesn't do the bars nor does he have friends outside of work. So all his time is focused on my actions against his drinking. I wonder sometime if it wouldn't be so bad if I would just sit back n let him drink. Just not open my mouth and give into to his effections. I just don't think I can do that. I'm disgusted with the drunkenness and pretending this is normal! I pray things turn around for u this should be a happy time for U!
LA2017
LA2017
My husband and I also adopted two children. In the last three years his alcoholism hit a new high. I became more concerned with who I was being and what I would do to him if I got angry enough. It scared me that I would be the one to act due to the frustration, sadness ,anger etc. I poured a beverage in his face about two years ago there was a cube of ice that hit him in the head. Nothing happened, but he got angry. I didn't know who I was. What I did know, was that I wanted a different life . I was doing more hating than loving. I didn't want that for me and my kids. It takes alot, but once you really listen to yourself you will know what to do. Sometimes our own thoughts prevent us from hearing our own voices. It is one of the most difficult things I have experienced. I moved myself and my children out. During the last year he has been in and out of rehab. I finally discovered and had to be real with myself, this is no longer the life we wanted. My kids and I deserve to be happy.
DSTRICK
DSTRICK
LA, good for you for trusting yourself and moving on with your life. It is very scary I have to catch myself at times. Before this happened just a few months ago I snapped and put my hands around his throat (didn't squeeze just placed them there) and yelled for him to shut up. I asked and asked him to please stop arguing and he kept on. And one sunday after church he was drunk and making it out that I thought I was better than him and I was probably telling everyone including the pastor what a bad man he was. I leaned in to say something to him and I bit his lip and for some crazy second I laughed! That really scared me that day I felt like evil running through me.... All I could do is cry and told him that day that he was driving me crazy and making the bad come out in me and I didn't like it at all. Since the pouring of the whiskey on him I have tried my hardest to not let him set me off and just walk away. But yes you and your children do deserve to be happy! Hope things continue to work out for you. ;)