Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

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endlessgrief 05/02/2019

Ascites is a condition in which fluid collects in spaces within your abdomen. If severe, ascites may be painful. The problem may keep you from moving around comfortably. Ascites can set the stage for an infection in your abdomen. Fluid may also move into your chest and surround your lungs. This makes it hard to breathe.

My AH has this and as I mentioned before, he must go once a week to get liquid drained from his belly (about 8 liters a time). If drinks ANY booze, his stomach will bloat painfully and a trip to the ER is a must.

This has been my life since the beginning of 2019. All these years I have prayed for him to stop drinking and I got my wish. Now I am living with a sick ASSHOLE. He is always angry, always wants to talk talk talk about HIMSELF and if I interrupt he gets pissed. Now he wants to spend quality time (watch TV together, woo hoo) and if I refuse, he gets pissed. His memory is screwed up but he will fight tooth and nail about his version of things even though I was there and SOBER.

We all know what it's like to care for these buttholes. Clean their mess, forgive their behavior from many drunken nights. Now I gotta walk mine around because he is dizzy from the fluid sucking every week. His feet are cold, cover him up properly. He needs this, that, I run to get it.

Today, my dogs knocked me down HARD right in front of him. I laid there for a good 5 minutes, hurt, while he made jokes and continued to watch TV. I used the TV stand to break my fall so the TV was turned away from him a nd all he could do was ask me to turn the TV back to center and I sat there on the floor giving him looks that SHOULD have stopped his heart.

Ladies, be careful what you wish for.

ginger7657 05/03/2019

Why do we continue to put ourselves through this though. I’m not there yet but I can relate in so many ways. I stay for my kids. But it’s hard to be a good mom when I’m so pissed at their Dad for things that he is doing. Why do you stay? Just curious.

Rose351 05/04/2019

Endlessgrief your situation is heartbreaking. Can't imagine how your AH is still alive with those health problems. I have to say that the brutal honesty in your posts has given me permission to get in touch with my own feelings of RAGE and HATRED. I have always been one to suppress my feelings and play nice. Always putting others feelings and needs ahead of my own. Being the "good" girl. Not anymore. I am done with being the doormat, taken advantage of and criticized just for being me. What I am learning from all the posts on this site is that all any of us want is love and affection from our AH and a stable home life. That is not too much to ask. If my AH can't or won't do his part to make that happen then I won't be around much.

I went to the gym every day this week which is a first for me to be in a healthy environment where everyone respects each other and takes care of themselves. Even though I am horribly out of shape it is my first step towards taking care of me and SCREW everybody else.If my AH wants to self destruct with booze there is nothing I can do about it but I am NOT going down with him. I really don't give a shit what anyone else thinks at this point. That has always been my problem wanting the approval of others especially my AH. What a waste of effort.

endlessgrief 05/07/2019

ginger7657 - why do I stay? Right now it is for the money and the house. I am terribly out of shape and all kinds of mentally ill. Through the years, I have researched apartments and houses for sale. But here is the MAJOR reason I have stayed so long. My parrots and my dogs. I have three large talking parrots (of different species) and they are as affectionate as puppies. They also communicate and say the proper words for the proper reasons. They make me laugh and are silly. No apartment is going to put up with three loud parrots. And then there are my dogs. As I sit here I have one dog laying against my leg and the other laying his head in my lap. My whole life people have let me down but my animals keep me going. I don't like children so I never had any (thank God, you women in this situation with little human beings to worry about his nightmare inducing).

I am 51 years old and yes, I am THE CRAZY OLD BIRD LADY all the kids will be afraid of. Imagine this, I have a cockatoo that yells so loud you can hear him on the next block. I have an African grey that swears like a sailor, two dogs who love to play but bark and growl (they are big dogs), AND to top it off, I listen to death metal. People said I would grow out of being a metal head, but I never did. And you can't listen to heavy metal on a low volume!

Ha, usually when I get mad at my AH, I blast the song ZOMBIE QUEEN by Ghost and he HATES it but will not confront me because he knows I am angry. I know, it's very childish, but so is pissing the bed! I need to find my speaker jack . .. MMMMWWWWAAAAAAHHHHH HA HA HA HA

endlessgrief 05/07/2019

Rose351 - your post made me smile because when you reach that point of FUCK IT, anything is possible and if my foul language and angry posts had even a small part of that, I am very happy.

I gotta get my fat butt to the gym as well. I used to roll my eyes when fat women would say they eat their emotions. Like, get over it you lazy cow! BOY WAS I WRONG. I lost my job, had a very drunk husband who was drunk all day and night, my family are a bunch of freaks I threw out of my life, and then THERE WAS CHOCOLATE. Now I get it and then some!

Your post has given a me a little more incentive to get off my ass and get in shape. Not so AH will find me attractive, fuck that, it will be for the best reason in the world. FOR ME TO BE HEALTHY AND FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF, no longer basing my worth on what other people think.

Oh and when I do get back into shape and AH tries to make a move on me, HE IS GETTING KICKED RIGHT IN THE NUTS!

DSTRICK 05/07/2019

endlessgrief, I love reading your post.... I find it all encouraging. You remind me of a very good friend that has always been out spoken I think its awesome. I will be 53 next month and it hit me at 50 that I needed to do something before i allowed his addiction take my life. I'm not quit to this level yet but I have managed to focus more on myself and less on him. I don't care about his feelings being hurt anymore. 30 years of the same ol crap day after day its about time!

Rose351 05/08/2019

Endlessgrief I love your comment about being "all kinds of mentally ill". Those of us who grew up in alcoholic homes with violent verbally and physically abusive fathers got a big head start on mental illness. I've known since high school that something was seriously wrong with me but could never quite figure it out. Why after growing up with an alcoholic dad who scared the shit out of me would I be attracted to and date alcoholic men? Guess the shrinks would say I had daddy issues and wanted to "fix" the relationship with my dad that was destroyed by his drinking. All these years later I see that my repressed emotions of terror, rage, hatred and feelings of helplessness as a kid have driven so many choices in my life. And a lot of them were not good choices. Now it is all about learning how to respect myself and to honor my feelings no matter what they are. This site allows me to give my feelings a voice in a no judgement zone. That helps me heal. There are no right or wrong feelings. They just are what they are.

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