Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
So my AH now realizes I am serious about divorce, and has begun seeing a counselor. It is the first time I have seen him seek help on his own. In the past, Court ordered therapy and AA were tolerated and what he referred to as the "ultimate inconvenience". One he attended the required # of meetings, he stopped going.
I told him that regardless of what he does, and that I really hope he gets sober for HIMSELF, that I need to proceed with divorce. Has anyone been in a similar situation, and what did you do?
I told him that regardless of what he does, and that I really hope he gets sober for HIMSELF, that I need to proceed with divorce. Has anyone been in a similar situation, and what did you do?
Counselors have told me that this is "naughty behavior" on my part. They say I shouldn't play the "Divorce Trump Card" for several reasons:
1) I am manipulating the manipulator and plaing "tit for tat". This doesn't improving the relationship to the AH
2) Playing this card too often will turn you into the "woman who cried wolf". You will lose credibility.
However I point out that I'm living in a socialistic country that tends to do everything to protect the alcoholics and little to protect their victim family. For instance:
a) I'm the bread-winner. He lost his job and has no income. In the event of divorce I have to pay him alimony, because he can plead invalid.
b) As his wife, the government expects me to support him as long as he is actively seaking therapy. If I ditch him while he claims to be recovering I fear being indicted for "failure to render assistance". That includes chauffeuring him from hospital to rehab all while he's telling me what I bitch I am for "making him do rehab".
c) Our house is in his name. The loan we took out on it is in our name. Guess who has to repay the loan but doesn't own the house?
d) In the country I live in, the couple must be legally separated for 18 months before they can get a divorce. After that the divorce is settled based on what each married partner earns. Guess who has to pay for the divorce (and the loan on the house)?
So I need a new strategy. At the moment I am officially legally separated. I can get a divorce at any time. But I keep playing the "Divorce Trump Card" because it still works, and I need time to gain ownership of the house I paid for.