Yes my situation is very similar...my AH is the bread winner. If I left him today my child and I would be homeless. He too fills water bottles with vodka. He has tried many times to stop drinking including going to rehab and has always rebound and failed...I lost hope for him and this marriage. During the day he is a business man.. although fresh out the shower I can still smell alcohol through his pores he still exceeds at work. By night he stays up and drink until he passes out. What my plan is...is to save save save... while he still has a successful job and when I have my resources and finances together i will leave him.

Have you check how much social security disability can get you living alone? Gather you resources and prep your exit before it's too late.

Hi CT45. I'm in a similar situation. My husband drinks every night (average a bottle of wine) We've been married 25 years, and I love him, but like you, I feel like I don't love living with addiction, and just don't know how much longer I can take it. We have three kids, all living at home, and I am pretty dependent on him, in many ways, because I am living in a foreign country (where he is from) and where I don't really have any support or family around. I work, but his job is more stable than mine. I am not sure I could manage alone. I have tried, have reasoned with him, begged him to take care of his health, for the kids, if for nothing else. Occasionally he has an alcohol free day or 2, just if I pressure him, but he can never go long. Then he just drinks more when he drinks again. He doesn't pass out but rambles, and he's constantly tired. I worry about tthe effect on the kids. His father and grandparents were drinkers, too, so it's in the family. I'm 52, and it's scary to leave at this stage of our lives, but sometimes the alternative is even scarier. I feel pretty stuck, too. Sad, as well, as without the booze, these marriages would probably be amazing. Not sure if your husband has sought help? Mine refuses, and often denies he even has a problem. I wish I could give some advice to you. Sometimes, i think when we've had enough, we just make the decision to leave, regardless of the consequences, and we'll survive, although there will be tough times. I think right now, start making plans, try to get some part time work, and reach out to relatives or friends who could give support, if need be, whether that's a place to stay temporarily, or just to listen.. Just knowing others are there to turn to could give you the strength to make plans for the future, a future that may not include him. You didn't mention your children are they grown up already? Do they know what's going on?

Been married 30 yrs to my AH he works hard and never really misses work but as soon as he’s off he starts drinking Jim Beam and will drink a pint or 2 and more on off days. By the time I get home from work he’s already near passing out. I know exactly how u feel, I noticed a few years ago that I was just playing a role. Pretending everything was alright when it really wasn’t. I love him of course but not in love with him. It’s been about 7 mos since I decided that I will no longer be silent. It took months for him to realize I wants playing the game anymore. He was so used to me giving in and pretending that it hit hard. I can’t leave or should I say I’m scared to leave. I’m not financially able to support myself and 2 teen granddaughters that we adopted 2 yrs ago. So I told him we were only together for them and the day will come when I won’t need him. He refuses to leave and help me financially and I do still have a heart that I can’t just put him out of his home that he’s worked so hard to have. So that’s where I am! Me I could move on if it were just me, but I have a choice to stay for the girls. For now this is my life! I’m so sorry that u have to deal with being sick on top of the hectic life of living with N alcoholic. Prayers and hugs! Good luck to u.

Thanks everyone! A lot of your stories sound the same as mine. I guess I just either need to just live with it and be ok with how things are or want to be out so bad that I get motivated to find employment and try to make a life for myself, much different than t he one I have now.

We had an open house today, which was supposed to be low key. I specifically asked no gifts of any kind and of course, lots of alcohol made its way into our home. Which in my mind means more alcohol for my husband. I find myself getting angry when this happens and then my husband wonders if I'm upset about something.

I think what I need to do too is find a local Al Anon and try to try to get the tools I need to work through my frustration and anger toward his drinking. Like someone else said, without the drinking, we would all be married to nice people probably.

Thank you all for listening.

Hi CT, I am in a similar situation. I am 56 & married to my AH for 36 years. I feel trapped, same as you. The drinking has made him paranoid, critical and OCD. I enjoy the moments that are good and endure the moments when he is drinks in the pm. Will keep you in my prayers, please take care!

Reading these stories is upsetting but make me feel that I am not the only one who lives a life like this. I have been married to my husband for 20 years and the last 2 have been awful due to his binge drinking. It is like I live with 2 different people and it is heartbreaking. He knows that he has a problem and knows that he becomes out of control when he drinks. I never truly relax because I am always on red alert, waiting for the other shoe to drop. I look around at other people and wonder if they live in a secret hell as I do? There are a few of my friends who know but not many. I work but do not make nearly enough to support myself and my sons. I have gone back to school so that I can hopefully secure a career that will allow me to get out of here. I love my husband and he is a good guy when he is not drinking but I cannot imagine living the rest of my life riddled with anxiety about what he is going to do or what horrible thing is going to happen. I watched this disease take my father and I cannot believe that I have found myself another alcoholic to turn my life upside down on a daily basis. I guess that's what happens to alot of us though...Wishing all of you a blessed New Year...hopefully filled with peace.

You are telling my story! My AH is also a successful businessman. 30 years married with too many fleeing nights than I can count. I fled. He passed out. He can become so belligerent and hurtful. We broke up for several years - only to end up right back here. He knows he is ill. He has tried everything- but without wanting it enough. He is clever, he will even con his doctor. As most of you know, when he brings the good him along, what a great guy. That is usually only early in the morning as he scurries out for his day. Meanwhile, my self worth has never been lower. I haven’t found an al anon group that works for me, yet. I will keep digging. One question or more- observation- where can we wives go with no financial ability. I am 100% dependent on him. I hate that feeling. It’s demoralizing to me. So here I am wanting and ready to leave but no place to go. No money - no leave. Friends- not going, I am so humiliated and do not want hem involved. I am seeking quiet and peaceful until I get my feet more grounded. Any thoughts ? Thank you.