Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

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MDanTaylor 09/11/2016

I'm so glad I found this group. I've been with my fiancé for almost 5 years and he's what I call a "weekend warrior". During the week he's a great spouse and father to our 3 kids (2 from my first marriage and 1 together), but come Friday he's drinking and it ruins our weekends together. I just feel like I need someone else to talk to. I feel horribly alone, talking to my family is completely out of the question, and I don't have many close friends who would understand. I feel like I'm failing as a mother because my children see him drunk, yelling and screaming at me, and I still stay. He's a wonderful person when he's sober, my favorite person, and I hate to think of my life without him, but staying is getting more and more difficult as the broken promises, lonely weekends, and arguments continue to pile up.

My anxiety is out of control along with my autoimmune flares and my hair is faking it because of stress. I just need a shoulder to cry on, someone to tell me it'll all be ok, and things will work out as they're meant to in the end. I know all of this is true in my heart but it's nice to hear the words sometimes too.

Kellie 09/11/2016

Ohh Mdantaylor , I soo wish I could tell you it will all be okay . I feel your pain , we all do. But sadly it gets worse. The man you love and the addict are two different people and the addict eventually takes over and the man you love is a distant memory. My AH has been to rehab and back. Now he "runs to the store" when he drinks or smokes weed , like I'm an idiot and can't see it , or smell it !! You have to decide if this life is what you want, and if not start planning your escape now! Don't ever feel you are a bad mother because he has an addiction ! This is not your fault !! They are the selfish ones who will destroy everyone around them. Don't blame you , blame him !! Thinking of you , hugs !!

MDanTaylor 09/11/2016

Thanks Kellie! I know "worse" and he's been there. He used to be a pint a day whiskey drinker. While it's better than it was, it's still not good enough and he knows it. He's always complaining that everything he does isn't good enough for me and he's right. I just want him back. It's like he's cheating on me with alcohol. He's done rehab twice, counseling, and jail, though that predates our relationship.

Anyway, that's another tangent. Thanks for the kind words, it's nice to have a space to say all the things I feel and have women around who understand. Hugs!

Kellie 09/11/2016

Mdantaylor, He will always try to rationalize his behavior and make you feel like you are nagging him, or putting him down. I hear it all the time. But really he is just trying make himself feel better about his problems rather than facing the truth. Addicts suck the life out of you. I call his addiction a vortex because it just sucks everything around it in . Jokingly I said to my AH " you have a lot in common with black holes" ( he's not very smart ) and when he said how's that? My reply was "you both suck" I laughed hysterically and he called me a nerd and walked away. Find humor where you can , it helps keep you sane! Hugs

MDanTaylor 09/11/2016

Haha! I'll have to use that line some time. He always tries to say things like"you're not supportive" or "why can't you just deal?" My usual response is to point to a pot and tell him "meet your new best friend since your name is obviously kettle."

Getting caught in his shame spiral is the worst. Ugh!

Kellie 09/11/2016

Mdantaylor, don't get caught in his BS! I've been with my manchild so long that I have detached myself . He complains all the time that I don't care about him, well I used to and you crapped on me sooo welcome to my life fu**tard! I like giving mine lil nick names and he really has no clue to the true meaning of them. I call him Eve all the time .. Well cuz it's a douche! And I enjoy calling him pookie, it sounds cute but pookie was the name of a junkie in a movie ! It makes me giggle . He thinks I'm being cute and in reality I'm crapping on him ! I love amusing myself at his expense .

Cadeer 09/12/2016

I would love to tell you it will get better, but odds are against it. That was my life when we were younger. And there were times it was better, and times it was worse. Age is not kind to them. They have two personalities and I've learned that the alcoholic personality takes over more and more. What is very important is understanding what you are in for and what you want for your life. I won't tell you to walk away, I didn't. But if I had my life to live over again I'd run. I still love my husband very much, but he is rarer than an Elvis sighting as most days I'm stuck with his drunk alter ego.
I'm sorry that you have to endure this and you need to know it does NOT make you a failure as a mother, it just makes your job so much harder. Sending prayers your way that you will find the path that is best for your peace of mind.

practicallysinglemom 09/12/2016

Mdantaylor- my husband is a weekend warrior too. He's great and hard working all week long but come the weekend he's gone and I'm a single mom again. That's what makes it so hard for me to divorce him because he's good to me during the week well most of it and he's not a bad dad but once the weekend comes I lose him to his friends and alcohol .

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