I have definitely noticed this as well. I think living under stress and in survival mode for so long tends to do that to us. It is very frustrated and sad. But don't let your husband use that against you. I know that I remember most of the bad things that have gone on over the years.

Thank you, Bluesprite. I appreciate your response helping me to see that I am not alone.

My hubby uses my distracted mind against me telling me I have forgotten something or that he left the house a 10 when I know it was 9 and he has been out drinking, my sister calls it mental cruelty and in some ways she is right.
I keep meaning to write things down and forget that, it's like having an extra child in the house trying to keep an eye on him, so I really know what you mean it's a shame we can't record every thing sneakily.

Living with an AH is stressful and depressing. I was beginning to have trouble finding the right words when I was speaking, and was also depressed, and I believe it was due to lack of vitamin D. I was on an anti-depressant for a while and did feel a little better, but what really did the trick was getting my vitamin D level back to a healthy level. During some bloodwork we found that my level was abnormally low, and the doctor put me on a high dose of vitamin D to correct it, and I religiously take it every day now. I cannot tell you the difference it has made in my outlook. One of the side effects of low vitamin D is depression, and I also feel that I have much more clarity, and no longer have issues with searching for the right words.

Hi othertwin,
I want to echo what Newlife said, about the vitamin D, and taking better care of your health in general. If you start to really focus on taking care of you, all kinds of things with your mind and body will get better. I've been taking Vit D for about 9 months now, and have felt better because of it.

But I also want to point out that you do not need to remember all of the details correctly, to know that what your AH is doing to your relationship is harming you and your marriage. When he remarks that your memory is bad, he is likely trying to minimize the severity of his drinking, in a way like saying "see, you're not so perfect either." It's a ploy just about every alcoholic makes in attempt to make their drinking not seem so bad. My AH likes to dredge up all sorts of stuff from the past about me, as a way to make himself feel that his drinking is just another minor issue.

One thing that really helped me was to distance myself from my AH. At first, I did that by eating dinner before he came home, then going off to a quiet place in the house to read or go online. That space really helped me see things more clearly. Now, I minimize my interactions with him as much as I can. It keeps me sane.

Sending you hugs and prayers.

Thank you all for your kindness and comments. It helps so much to know that there are so many of us experiencing the same things. Sad, really.....