Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

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Paws112 08/07/2017

My Hubby has recently accepted the fact that he has an alcohol problem. We've been to the doctors and to the Recovery group, got him referred and now just awaiting an appointment to be assigned a care worker. Obviously it's traumatic for him and he is struggling not having a drink. He's going completly cold turkey and i respect him for that. He knows if he carrys on drinking our marriage will be over. But is it selfish of me to think, how come people arent asking if im okay as well? can people not see that he does have a problem and he is getting help for it but it isnt just his problem, we are married its my problem as well and we have to deal with it together?

Why am i feeling like this? I love my hubby to peices but i can't show him im falling apart watching him go through this. I feel so alone. What do i do?? Any advise?

Weareallokay 08/07/2017

I completely understand how you are feeling. My husband is 6 months into his recovery. I know that for me, a huge part of my own learning through the whole process has been about acknowledging how I feel and making sure I take care of myself and get the support I need. It is really hard being married to an alcoholic. I would suggest that you reach out for support for yourself as well, like talking to a good friend who you know will listen without judgment. Joining this group is already a big step! Also, it's a very good sign that you are recognizing your need for some support. :)

CeeCee4 08/17/2017

Totally agree!! It's a self addiction. They are selfish by drinking and being irresponsible and not caring how much pain they cause when they do. And then again selfish when trying to sober up. It's always about them and their addiction. It's annoying as shit if you ask me. Call me heartless but dam, years of Bull and the selfishness continues into sobriety. I think reaching out to alanon sounds like a good idea or even just counseling. Talking about how your feeling helps a lot so you don't hold pent up anger.

learningpatience 08/17/2017

The first thing I want to do is recommend codependent no more. It's an excellent book and I wish I had read it years ago. Second, know you are not alone. Like Ceecee said, addiction seems to be all about the addict, even in care. I understand a lot more about addiction now than I did even one year ago and they are in pain but their pain does not give them license to hurt everyone around them. Alcoholics do not accept responsibility for their actions and no one really makes them take this accountability, unless maybe they get into the 12 steps. It's a lot like cyber bullying, they keep your pain and hurt at a distance because it would just cause them more pain but would also remove them from that victim role. Your best bet is to seek help for yourself, the book, al anon groups (there are online meetings too you can find them through the official website) and there might be an addiction resource in your community, reach out and let them know what you are going through. I didn't know what help there was until I had to call the cops on him because he threatened to get on his car and kill himself. It's been a horrible downhill slide since and I'm really devestatwd at the lack of resources but there are SOME and we have to be positive and take what we can from them.

Paws112 08/24/2017

I would like to say Thank you to you all for your comments and advice

ThankfulForYouAll 08/26/2017

I think it's great that your husband is getting treatment. I look forward to the day when my husband does that as well. Even though this not easy, maybe try remembering how you longed for the day when he would admit his problem and get help. That is where I am now, and I look forward to supporting him in recovery someday.

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