Not a great week with Prince Charming..... Aside from the chronic " buzz", the negativity and short tempered attitude is exhausting. He admits he is a " stubborn prick who doesn't like being told what to do". And that he is
" developing " an I don't give a shit attitude. REALLY ? Developing? He has always not given a shit. Anyway..... As I have posted, I have been working really hard at putting a positive spin on my communications with him in an attempt to make my life a bit easier. When I can manage it, it works to keep the arguments down to a minimum. It also makes me feel a little better about myself. So last week was a real exercise in patience and determination. I managed to control my reacting by removing myself from the room each time he did that pass out thing after dinner. If he woke up and came to find me I would smile and say something like "oh you were sleeping and I didn't want to disturb you." Then I would continue with whatever I was doing but not join him back in the den. Worked for me. Then each time when slurry voice and stoned face got to me, I was kind and understanding of his struggles and pain. Admittedly I was about 75% pretending, but at least I avoided an impossible confrontation/conversation.
And I wasn't left in that bereft, guilty, feeling abandoned place. But things took a turn for the worse when at the end of last week when his substance abuse and other stressors pushed me past my edge....on Saturday he insisted we go to dinner( my son was visiting so I didn't fuss) the man dozed off exactly five dimes during the meal!!!!! Then on our way out I put my arm aroun him and sweetly said " Awww you seem so sleepy, the pain in your back must be bad, why don't you let me drive home?" Worked like a charm! He passed out cold for the night the minute we got in. Well the next morning he woke up wasted, really? Still high? Yowsers.
So I had a carefully worded talk about my concerns about his health, my heartbreak about his levels of pain which require so many pills safety concerns and of course mixing all that shit with alcohol. I did not once speak in a hostile or accusatory way ,nor did I make demands etc etc......a bunch of BS from me, but I said my peace.
What do you know ? For the next three days .... Well controlled pain Meds, no alcohol, no evidence of all those negative traits. But by the end of day # 3 ( yesterday) he started to unravel, crazy anger over stupid things not his business and out of his control. When I removed myself he kept coming to get me and trying to provoke me. I finally kind of broke but stayed fairly within my boundaries by stating he could think and feel however he wants, but if he wants me to agree with, or engage in discussions about things I have no interest in or think differently about, he must respect my opinions. Phew.... Confrontation avoided.
Today I get home from work, face red ( alcohol ) speech patterns ( alcohol) eyes droopy and that left eye all facing in crazy directions ( general stoned face) but when he dozed off practically in his bowl of food, I had enough. I did that mad faced cold shoulder. And when he tried to do that manipulating/ lying bullshit I let it rip..... And felt myself not being able to stop. Luckily my sons girlfriend stopped by and I had to shut up.
She and I visited in the other room as he did the pretzel in the mouth/ fall asleep thing.
When my son came over, Prince Charming was obnoxious and was pissedoff when our son was nasty to him
Okay I'm done rambling thanks.....
So now I have to get back on track. But actually this was a good thing because I can definitely see how empowered I feel when I don't do the crazy react. He is gonna do what he is gonna do. I don't need to drag myself through that stuff any more. Lol long story....