Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

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Alcoholism and depression

jennfur25
jennfur25

It's been awhile since I've posted. So...about a month ago I went to my husband's parents for help and support. I then had to tell my husband that I told his parents. He did NOT take that well. It's been over a month and our relationship has not recovered. He didn't talk to me for 2 weeks. He said he feels like he is on an island all alone. He's admitted he feels ashamed and embarrassed. Anyways, for the past month he is super quiet, sleeps all of the time (when he isn't working) and just keeps to himself. I am fairly confident that if I suggested he is depressed he would lose his shit on me. He is a very proud person who can never admit when he needs help or is struggling in an area. I guess I am asking if anyone has any suggestions or advice to help get him out of his rut.  Thank you ladies!!!

harrisbaby
harrisbaby
I have depression myself along with my husband. It's not a choice, nor is it a sign of weakness, it's a condition or even a disease. Most people would never criticize a cancer victim or a diabetic of being weak, right? It is what it is, no judgement. Also it takes strength and courage to ask for help. To me it is wise to seek counsel; this is a biblical principle. For me and my husband, depression and alcoholism are too big for us to work out by ourselves and so far it hasn't worked. Getting the help needed is like choosing the proper tool for the job. A person wouldn't get a can opener to hammer a nail? Nor would a person say, " I feel it would be weak to enlist help from a hammer, so I'm gonna drive this nail into the wall with my fist!" We recognize the foolishness of that line of reasoning, yet we use the same kind of reasoning when we need to fix ourselves. Do we think we don't deserve care? Maybe present this to your husband and ask him if he wants to work smarter or harder? Maybe it will help. God bless you and your husband.
lostinsnow
lostinsnow
Hi, I am new here and your post really resonates with me. I have been going back and forth on the idea of sharing with my in-laws what is really going on with my husband (he is in beginning stages of cirrhosis or who knows at this point) and having a lot of issues, physically and behaviorallly. I know your husband's response is not ideal but I wonder, do you regret sharing with your in-laws or do you feel that was the right thing to do? Have they been supportive? My husband also ertainly is depressed, these two so often go hand in hand especially when faced with making a choice to stop doing the thing you love, drinking or when your mortality is in question. Not sure where your husband is in his journey but for you, I have to say, what a huge risk and step in reaching out to his parents for help and support, that is so big. I am not there yet but may be soon. I'm curious how the conversation went for you? Anyhow, I don't have the answer to your question as I think it lies within your husband ultimately to be honest. Therapy is a great idea but if your husband is like mine, that is a no go. Supportive friends? I dunno, trying to figure out myself...hang in there