He doesn't hate you-he hates himself.

Very true. The alcoholic hates himself. I also believe they cause problems in relationships because they dot feel they are worthy of them. Doesn't matter how much the supportive spouse tries to convince them otherwise.

Only advise I can give you is do what it takes to get your kids out of that unhealthy life. I kept staying and staying as I did not want a divorce but it finally snapped when my kids were 16 18 and 22. By that time my 18 year old was a drinker. Actually so was all of my kids Yes even my 16 year old. Move forward 3 years. Oldest is 25 and social drinker only. Disgusted with alcoholics. Same for my 19 year old.

But my 21 year old is an alcoholic and it breaks my heart. He is already obnoxious when drunk and I cannot wait for him to fall asleep. He is in the military so I only see it occasionally. But already I realize he is so much like his dad. Not just a kid sowing his oats. I know he will battle alcoholism in life and if gets married and has kids chances are his marriage will fail or his wife will be one of us. Sad.

Hindsight I would have removed my kids from this atmosphere I raised them in during their teenage years.

The older my boys get the more distance develops between them and their father. I think its because he knows they really see him now and he's ashamed. Their Dad has never verbally or physically attacked them, If he had, that would be an immediate deal breaker. Protect your kids at all costs. Your 10 year old can see him clearly and your AH knows it. To your AH its probably like a mirror being put in front of him every time he sees your sons eyes. I know how emotionally beat up you feel. It's a roller coaster life and my AH is not a pleasant drunk either. But if he is starting to target your kids, please get out.

It's our moral obligation to protect our children from the AH. It sounds like he brings nothing but pain to your family life. Document everything. Take photos of him passed out. I would get an attorney and tell him about your AH pushing and hurting your son. Kids don't lie about stuff like that. Physical abuse is a reason for him (AH) to be removed from the home. My guess is that it will only escalate as your son becomes older and physically bigger and perceived as more challenging to your AH.

I understand how you feel about your home. I have just put beautiful hardwood floors in my home. We built this home together about 20 years ago, and I have poured my heart and soul into it. I would be so upset to have to sell it, but as my friend pointed out - home is where your family is. You will still have your personal belongings surrounding you no matter where you live. Plus, who knows what will happen in the future. Plenty of divorced women meet the "right" man who turns out to love their children. Don't stay for the kids, they will be much better off in a stress free and peaceful home, even if it isn't as spacious. You will be too.

My BFF just sent me a text with a quote - "She had not known the weight until she felt the freedom." That is exactly how I feel.

I know exactly where you are. My AH has days like that - not every day, thank God, but there are days. I worry when I'm not home by the time he gets home and the kids are home with him alone. I've come home to him being verbally and physically abusive to my oldest son on numerous occasions. And on a couple occasions it has included my oldest daughter. My son told me once he would pull a knife on his dad if it got too bad. I had a real serious talk with him and made him realize that was a stupid thing to do. So I've given my kids all the tools they need to "escape" if there's ever problems in the future.

A home and your belongings are only material items. I once owned a really neat old house that I put my heart and soul into fixing up into a nice office for my business. Then I had an employee embezzle and I lost everything, including the house. I clung to that house until I could cling no more and when it was all over with, I realized that had I let go sooner, my problems would have been over a lot sooner as well. I think about the house we're in now and all the dreams and aspirations we had for this property. But I can't do it all on my own, and it won't ever come to pass with an AH who spends over 50% of his time drunk or sleeping it off.

Get out while your kids are young and have a chance to heal before the turbulent teenage years. Things will end up much worse if you stay until then. My sister-in-law went through it with her daughter. She had to divorce her husband to help her daughter. The daughter was on the road to an early death with all her antics. When my SIL got her into counseling, it came out that her problems stemmed from her father's alcoholism. Once the father was removed, she brought her grades up, graduated high school, and stopped running with the "bad kids."