Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

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Al Anon...secet or not?

hmb1276
hmb1276
Do I tell my husband that I am going to Al Anon meetings? Do I let him know that I'm working on myself? Or not? I have let him know over the last few months that I've been going back to church and praying and exploring my faith again. I get the eye rolls, so I can't imagine what I'll get if he knows I"m going to Al Anon. Just curious, did you tell your loved ones?
kouza
kouza
I think you kind of have to gauge how you think he would react and if it would have a negative impact on your marriage. I told my husband that I went to Al-Anon after my very first meeting and we talked a little about it and at the time I thought he understood that it was for me and that by going to that first meeting I finally realized that I wasn't alone. When I started going regularly he started taking it very personally (as most alcoholics do) and was convinced that someone there was telling me how to "handle him" so I stopped talking about it and even hid my literature and books (I put covers on my Al-Anon books) from him. I finally figured out that the reason he was taking it so personally and being so defensive about it was that my attending meetings was just one more reminder to him of his problem. So, for a long time I would just say that I had a "meeting". Over time he has come to understand that I attend Al-Anon for me and he has become more accepting. He even donated a few bucks to my "home" group where I am the treasurer.

If you aren't comfortable telling him yet you certainly do not need to do that. Follow your heart, give it over to God and you'll know when the time is right to tell him.

Good Luck!
naiveanddeceived
naiveanddeceived
A little over a year ago when I was just getting involved with Al Anon and at what i thought at the time was the height of my wife's alcohol problems (i was wrong, it got worse) - she came home and saw my books on my desk one day and just went 'ha!' (like 'yeah right') and tossed them in the garbage. FYI - I took those books right out of the garbage that day. It is now a year+ later, and I'm still going to meetings, and it's the best thing I could have done for myself and my kids.
hmb1276
hmb1276
I'm just looking for coping techniques and mechanisms. I don't even know how to respond to his ridiculous comments and questions. The repeating himself, the ridiculous conversations after he's been drinking. I used to try to pacify and go along with it....I've now become so exasperated that I will just explode and say, "SERIOUSLY! You just asked me that 3 times!" And he looks confused or gets defensive and says I'm being mean. I don't know to handle him anymore without blowing my top.