iThis my first post.  I have been married to my teenage love for 39 years. For 25 my husband has been drinking.  There were lots of times I wanted to leave but there were always reasons I couldn't. Finance was the biggest one!.  I managed to raise 3 great children successfully and lots of times he was a good dad.

life went on and 2 years ago when health issues started with my husband he went to re gab for 6 weeks and that was the best moment of my life, finally. Those two years were almost as bad, he was depressed we haven't had sex in years, he's withdrawn and Un motivated..  

Still life went in and I focused on work and generally unhappy.  A good friend just died with a battle with cancer 2 months and he feel apart and back to it.  I knew he was drinking but he would hid it. Does he think I am stupid and cannot smell it or see his moods.  

I am struggling now as now what, even if he goes to rehab am I going to wait until the next event!! I just want me life to be over and I don't have to deal eith it. The pain in my gut is so intense.  He is cannot even admit it to me.  And if I leave I don't think he can manage and I don't want my daughter to have to take care of him

i have been living this too long.  For those of you at the start of this roll coaster RUN and fast

its not going to get better, they will always crave that beer or drink, they will always go to their first love and it's not us!!!!

dont let staying for the kids or you cannot afford it, find a way

what kind if an example have I been for my son and daughters!  They think I am strong for staying but I feel that I was weak and didn't have enough courage

i don't know where I go from here but I have some decision to make