My husband is 10 days sober... allegedly. I don't believe it. I don't believe anything he says anymore. On the outside, I am supportive and loving and I am taking care of myself by going to al anon and coda meetings (been going for a few months now). I am exercising every day and keeping the house clean and I am in a great mood at work and doing my job well. 

Inside I'm pissed. I'm livid. And I am wildly unhappy. I know it's so recent and it will probably take time. But I can't trust this person. Is he really coming home right after work? Is he really not drinking at work anymore? How many more lies do I not know about? What else has he been dishonest about? He looks me right in the eye no matter what. I used to trust this person with all my heart and thought he would never do anything to hurt me. It feels like something fundamental in my life was taken from me and I don't quite know what it was or how to get it back.

It feels like nothing I'm doing is benefiting me in the way I was told it would. I love this person so much and I think that's why it hurts. I don't want to leave but there's so much anger in me that I'm having a hard time letting go of and he's so focused on himself that there's  (still) no room for my pain. The only thing that's changed is that now he's not drinking.