I just left my AH somewhat unexpectedly last Wednesday. My two kids and I have been staying with my sister. It’s so hard and I’m still stressing about if it was the right thing to do. I think your plan sounds good! Save as much money as you can and prepare as best you can! Do you worry about your AH getting visitation with your daughter? That’s one of my biggest stresses. Hang in there! This life, living with an alcoholic is miserable and brings you down.

Hello ellabella2,
I do not know the law regarding custody and if I can just leave and take my daughter out of state. If we seperate or divorce, I also want to know how I can have supervised visits or what I would need to do to prove that being due to his drinking issue. Lots to do! Hang in there.

I am still with my AH. One thing I have done is kept a journal of all incidents where he has been drunk and acted out. I am in a no-fault divorce state unless there is abuse, and alcoholism is considered abuse. If we get divorced the settlement will be straightforward or I will take him down.

Document everything and if you can, get collaboration. This is super important if you want supervised visitation. Also, if you are with him and he is still drinking, you can discretely video his drunkenness. You might be able to get a lot of info off your state's website on divorce and custody for where you live.

The first thing I did was start a separate savings account - you might even want to put it in your daughter’s name so it doesn’t have to be split in a divorce.

You should be able to go online and find a child support calculation worksheet for your state to help you estimate how much monthly support you’ll receive.

You will probably need to sell the house, and once the mortgage is paid off, you would split any profits from the sale.

Document, document, document! I took photos of my ex passed out, and also kept a journal of every alcoholic incident. His 2 DUIs also worked in my favor. Take screenshots of angry texts. I went for sole legal and physical custody, which I received. He could visit with the kids as arranged with them (mine were teens at the time). You could push for supervised visits, based on safety concerns for your daughter. Obviously an attorney can guide you better in your particular situation, especially if you’ll need to move to another state for financial & family assistance. Ask friends for attorney recommendations.

It’s not an easy process, but it is incredibly worthwhile. You’ll feel your self-esteem returning as you take control. You’ll be changing the course of your daughter’s life by getting out of your unhappy situation. Kids don’t deserve to live with the stress that an alcoholic creates. Here’s to a freeing 2018!