"A disease is a particular abnormal, pathological condition that affects part or all of an organism. It is often construed as a medical condition associated with specific symptoms and signs.[1] It may be caused by factors originally from an external source, such as infectious disease, or it may be caused by internal dysfunctions, such as autoimmune diseases. "

I agree that alcoholism isn't a disease. It's more of a condition like depression, eating disorders, anxiety, mental disorders ect. It's almost like a crutch to call it a do ease like the person suffering had no control. Does a herion addict have a disease or a drug addiction? Then why call alcoholism a disease my an alcohol addiction? Because that's what it is. Also drug and alcohol addictions have been linked to people who have addictive personalities in general. Easy to be addicted I do the same over and over like biting nails, eating the same foods, doing te same activities. I have this and recognize it. That's why I like pulling myself out of the norm and changing things up and I know not to drink because is be an alcoholic. My rule is nomore than 2 drinks. I think if people start recognizing this maybe recovery would be easier and people would understand the underlying reason and fight it correctly.

I would be more inclined to agree if it were diagnosed as a mental disorder.

I see it as a disability more than a disease. They can't cope. They "need" something to get them thru the difficult times. They always blame it on everyone else and everything else in their life that "made them" drink. They can't handle life's downs without it. It starts off slow - first maybe the stress of college, then the stress of their parents while they are trying to "grow up", yadyadyada - my husband didn't go thru near some of the things other people had to deal with. We met at 17. His life was a breeze compared to others. But he still couldn't do it "alone". And once they are sucked into the life of alcohol, sometimes no matter how hard they try, or no matter how hard they want to stop, they can't because their body literally cannot go on without it. It becomes a mental crutch but then becomes a physical addiction. And those husbands who choose to open their eyes and admit it, and want to hold on to those they love, no matter how hard it may be to forgive, the only person who can save it all may be you, because he can't do it alone.

Chapelle, that last statement you made is what I think keeps me hanging on....I know deep down, without me he will be worse and because I love him, I will still be hurting. He made a commitment to stop drinking on Saturday, he was sober 2 days, he drank again today. He says he has too much going on that he can't handle without drinking. He doesn't understand that drinking magnifies it all doesn't make it better. Problems don't go away, he just makes new ones. I'm just so frustrated right now.

Chapelle,

That last thing you said, "...the only person who can save it all may be you, because he can't do it alone." I was stuck in that mentality for YEARS. And guess what? It hasn't "save" anyone. If anything it has caused more destruction in my home among the "healthy". I put healthy in quotes because as we all know, alcoholism effects the entire household -- ya know, the sober loved ones. Its a sickness alright, but not a disease that happens without their choice in the matter.

losinghope94, at what cost to you and anyone else close to your A is hanging on helping? Is it helping your alcoholic? When we don't allow our beloved alcoholics (A's) to feel their consequences we ENABLE them to continue in the dysfunction. We are telling them that no matter what they do under the influence, it's ok. We will bend over and take, and take, and take until the cows come home.

Believe me ladies, I've been married to my A for 22 years and most of that has been with him drinking. Remember the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. I'm finally getting it! I'm not coming down on the both of you, I'm really wagging a finger at myself because I've held those beliefs for so long at the expense of my own mental and physical health. I can't do that anymore. I'm detaching. I'm learning how to take care of me. He is a big boy, a grown MAN for pete's sake and can take care of himself. If my A cannot get his sh*t together I will legally separate. If separation does not give him time to think about it, then I will divorce, because I am learning to love myself more than that -- I'm learning to know that I matter, my feelings matter, my health matters and darn it, I deserve better. I am a child of the Living God and I deserve better than this! So do you.

Hugs...I pray we all make it thru our personal hell.

So awesome I feel the same way girl

My AH and I had a discussion about his problem today. I informed him of how he went through 3 half gallons of bourbon in one week, not to mention the half gallon of vodka. I told him how that $200 would have went a long way on bills. But I was told not to 'start on that'. I'm going tomorrow to try and get a job. I haven't been working for awhile due to other issues but it's time to get my life back. Funny thing is, a few years ago I was almost there. I was almost in the position that I could make it on my own. But it's going to be okay. My life has been turned upside down but I know now that no matter what, I can make it on my own. I already feel alone. Good luck to all of you.

grapewoman, big hugs to you... make sure you have a separate bank account to put your hard earned dollars in so he doesn't p*ss them away down the toilet -- we all know our A's will do it!
If you got to that place once, you can do it again...YOU CAN!

I think everyone's situation is different. Some have more hope than others, some have dealt with it longer than others, some of our husbands are in worst shape than others. In my case, I feel we will get thru this. My friend did, and I will. She said it stopped it before he drowned in alcohol. Yes, he is/was an alcoholic, but not to the point that many of you describe. It is up to each of us to decide if the marriage can be saved. And I want to save it because I know my husband loves me and my kids dearly.

So much emotion and lines of technicality... Disease, genetic disposition, chemical imbalance out of control habit ...the bottom line is: we the spouses are beyond tired and we are sad .
We are jealous of others who are in consenting adult relationships. Am I the only one who gets angry when rejected or sorrowful when thinking of what it 'could' be like? ...if only ...
We are all dealing with differing levels of abuse,

The question is what came first? The mental imbalance causing the addiction. The childhood traumas causing the desire to drink and escape. The peer pressure to indulge and the hooks dug in deep. The genetic disposition to avoid and hide from responsible.
The emotionally stunted spouses who drain the life out of not to mention exhaust the patience of (and sadly in some homes, instill deep seated fear for safety) seem to be perpetual toddlers demanding attention and desiring to feel good without having to give any attention to those who are providing care.

Adult relationships are supposed to be a place for support. A place with equal give. There should be the allowance of displaying physical affection. If you have an A in your life, you stand alone.

For the youngsters who are just starting on this path - let those words resonate. Read the other posts of desperate spouses whose only source of peace comes from anonymous support groups such as this. IF YOU CHOOSE to continue on this path with the A , we welcome you. However if you have reservations and think YOU will change them, please listen to your inner voice and get away.
This is the group no one wants to be a member of. This is the place where we all safely vent our sorrow, fear, frustration, anger. Please do not become a member if you can help it.

Just my two cents worth from someone who is having a tough time atm.