Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
HI my name is Jennifer. I am not married per say but my boyfriend is a drinker. I knew when we got together he was a drinker. Drinks mostly out of stress and boredom. He used to drink hard stuff but is now a beer drinker only. Hard stuff gets him to a place he does not want to be at. He thinks nothing of downing 8-12 beers at a time. To the point he can't walk without stumbling let alone talk and make sense.
The other day he was at a friend house and she asked him to do something and without even thinking told her off. I felt completely embarrassed.
When we got home and I let him have it. Went up one side of him and then the other. In the end I told him to get out of our vehicle so I could go to work. Needless to say once I got to work I could not think straight for fear of him doing something stupid and dumb.
He took a step in the right direction and asked our landlord to help him with his drinking problem. Thus being said our landlord is giving him odd jobs around the house to keep him busy and occupied. He has even offered to take him to aa meetings and the like. He told the landlord he does NOT want to loose everything we have and to please help him.
Deep inside I know he wants help and I think this is the first step in the right direction.
Has anyone gone thru this type of thing? If so what did you do and how do you go about it? I want to help him and support him but don't want to over step my boundaries either..
The other day he was at a friend house and she asked him to do something and without even thinking told her off. I felt completely embarrassed.
When we got home and I let him have it. Went up one side of him and then the other. In the end I told him to get out of our vehicle so I could go to work. Needless to say once I got to work I could not think straight for fear of him doing something stupid and dumb.
He took a step in the right direction and asked our landlord to help him with his drinking problem. Thus being said our landlord is giving him odd jobs around the house to keep him busy and occupied. He has even offered to take him to aa meetings and the like. He told the landlord he does NOT want to loose everything we have and to please help him.
Deep inside I know he wants help and I think this is the first step in the right direction.
Has anyone gone thru this type of thing? If so what did you do and how do you go about it? I want to help him and support him but don't want to over step my boundaries either..
Let me just say it will be a rough road with good and bad days, weeks and possibly months. My husband and I have a had a few good years and now a bad one.
From my perspective and with my relationship, our love is really strong. It is probably the only thing that has kept my husband alive and me in the relationship.
I don't feel like a prisoner with it. I do have rough days knowing he is out there drinking and I can't stop or help him when this is happening. I want to. I would move heaven and earth to help him. What I can do and what you can do is offer to be there for support. Know what your last straw will be. Understand it won't be fixed over night or may never be.
My husband was involved in smart recovery and for him that had more impact than AA. We're focusing on goal setting and being well. I think a huge part of recovery should involve psychiatric help. Maybe not for everyone, but the more I see my husband drink the more of the highs and lows to his personality and manic episodes I have seen.
I make sure our house is "threat free" with no alcohol. Our friends who come over for dinner don't drink at our house. It is just a nice way to make the home a safe place. I don't drink much anymore and keep it to a minimum when out with friends. Whether it helps or not, I'm not sure ,but it does make me feel like I am taking some steps to change as well and show support. We talk about it, probably more than what others do. I talk about my feelings...when he is sober I tell him when my feelings are hurt. I read articles and I have read studies on why AA doesn't work for everyone, because it doesn't.
I hope that helped some.
Lauren
I think there is another more faith based group that members on this list have posted in comments., but these are the two I am most familiar with. I also have a few friends who have done counseling for addiction who I speak with. I would like to get us involved in more one on one counseling.
http://www.smartrecovery.org/