I am new to the forum and thankful that I found you. I have been married to my AH for five years. He has had a drinking problem for 30+ years. It has cost him relationships and at least one job that I know of not to mention the health implications. I knew when I married him that this was an issue but like many women I was naive to believe that once we were married he would settle down and not drink as much or at all. I was wrong of course and the disease continues to take it's toll on me and our marriage. We've had conversations about his drinking and he knows it's an issue but continued to refuse help. I will admit that things are not near as bad as they were when we first got married but there is still a problem. Over the past year I have set many boundaries with him when it comes to his drinking and for a while it worked. So many times I have believed that the worst was over or that he was really going to quit this time only to have my hopes dashed.

Well the past few weeks have been very bad and at one point I was pretty much resigned to the fact that my marriage was over. He promised to seek help then back peddled with excuses. I called him out on it and he finally made the appointment. He had his first appointment with a counselor earlier this week and was pretty defensive when he came home. I hadn't said a word. I figured he would talk if he wanted to so I didn't even broach the subject. He got rather defensive with me and said he didn't want to talk about his appointment. He had too much going on in his head. I hadn't even asked but instead of pointing that out I simply said that was fine and let it go. The counselor sent him home with the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and he has carried it with him everyday since. So naturally I started getting hopeful again. I am pretty confident that he didn't drink at all this week and actually thought he was taking this seriously and that this time would be different.

Well, tonight I went into our garage fridge (where we keep beverages) and noticed that there was a six pack of beer with two missing in the crisper drawer. He stopped on his way home from work and bought beer. I should be happy that there are only two missing but it just bugs the crap out of me. Now I am wondering if he's given up already or what. He is playing a gig tonight with his band and I know in my gut he is drinking. He asked if I was coming out to the gig tonight and I told him no. Then when I found the beer after he left I was so tempted to go to the gig but I know that the only reason I was going to go was to catch him drinking which is so wrong on so many levels. So, here I sit typing away. He called after the first set and I was a bit distant with him but didn't explain why.

Is it normal for someone who is just beginning counseling to deal with alcoholism to continue to drink? Am I expecting too much too soon? I've just been so disappointed so many times before that I feel like that's what happening again.

We are going out of town next weekend and I'm so worried about the possibility of his drinking on this trip. The purpose of the trip is a conference for my work and I can't spend the entire weekend worried about him. I will be with colleagues and I need to be professional.

Man this sucks!

Thanks for letting me rant.
K