Hi,

My kids are adults now and I've been married over 20 years. I am now thinking about that taking the step to see a lawyer. My AH was sober for a month after a few days in jail. Now he is drinking again.

Knowing what I know now? I wish I had not subjected my kids to life with an alcoholic dad.

Do you have family around that you are able to use as support? With a daughter so young that will help no matter what you ultimately decide.

Hope0612 I completely agree with you. I wish I had followed through when my kids were young like you been married for over twenty years. Spent most of that time focused on my AH to the point that it has taken to now for me to have a long hard look at myself and be completely honest with myself which hasn´t been easy. I have always put him first instead of myself which has resulted in me working my backside off time after time with no break to breath and enjoy my life.
When you live with an AH it will always be that way unless you have the courage to change yourself and move on. I have been stuck in this toxic situation for too long but I am now feeling hopeful I can follow through and have the opportunity to actually start living before it is too late.
Fleanum 1 do what is best for you and your children, otherwise you are in danger of losing the opportunity to enjoy the best of your children always put them and yourself first before your husband and his problems and good luck x

Thank you to both of you for your advice. Sometimes my daughter is the only thing keeping me going. I want to do what is best for her and make sure she is not hurt by her father's problems. I am lucky to have family and friends to also help me through, but they do not know what it is like to be in this situation. Thanks again for your support.

Im sorry to hear of your struggles, but I noticed you said that you still love him - that is a very important point to focus on. I still love my husband too. And I have been married 15 yrs, and it was only this past fall when I saw him started to take things out on the kids. So, I am in the situation now to stop it before the kids get hurt - it isn't too late yet. He loves me too, which is why he is stopping. I know I have a tough road ahead, but he hasn't touched alcohol in 11 days - and he has been at bars with me and is only drinking seltzer water. And he has not been at bars without me, so I know he is serious. It is a huge step. If you love eachother, and you have a young child - focus on that as much as you can. At one point when I was telling my husband off, for the first time in 15 yrs he asked me if I hated him. I said, I can't hate you, bc I truly do love you, but I hate the things you did that hurt me, and I hate who you are when you are drunk. That's the difference. Hold onto that love you have for your husband - I always did, because I have 3 kids who love my husband, and he loves them, and I don't want to take that relationship away from them. They need him as much as he needs them. He never laid a hand on any of us, so I have been lucky that way - its just all verbal abuse (and not even cursing - just taking things out). My friend said I was very fortunate to start doing something about it before it got too far. It was getting there, and I still don't know how he is going to do this on his own, but I am praying that if he can't do it, that he will go to AA, but I think his pride will stop him. Alcoholism and substance abuse are diseases, don't forget that either. Even if they want to stop, sometimes they just can't without the right help. Hopefully my story inspired you a little - stay strong, especially for your daughter!!!