Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
i should've known from so many signs I had been given that I should've never married my husband, but I did.
My husband is an alcoholic and refuses to get help. He's around it too much and believes he can't not drink. I've stayed this long but don't think I can stay any longer, the problem is I'm a stay at home mother and pregnant. He has 3 kids from his previous marriage who I take care of often, I have one from a previous relationship, and we have one together and one on the way. He owns his own business so he is the bread winner. The house is in my name, but besides that I practically have nothing. I can't just up and leave although I'm planning on changing the locks tomorrow morning and go from there.
my husband is not a violent drunk. He's just an addict. He goes to bars and comes home drunk. He lies about drinking. I've been left home on birthdays and Valentine's Day and anniversaries because he was out at the bar and not coming home. I've threatened to end it many times and he says he's going to try, but after a few weeks or a month, it's the same thing. We've been "trying" to work on things since May and something always happens but tonight was the last straw. We were supposed to go to his friends house for a get together but it was 830 by the time he wanted to leave and I didn't want to take our 1 year old out that late. He text me at 1130 asking if he can stay another hour- (yay that's him trying). I said okay but not to drink anymore since he'd be driving home. I wake up at 130 and he's not home. Because of all our problems I have tracking on his phone and see he's at a strip club. I call and he doesn't answer. They close at 2 so at 230 I check where he's at and he's in another state at another strip club because they close at 5am. He doesn't answer and has spent over $600 there so far.
He thinks because he makes money he can spend it however he wants and do whatever he wants and I just don't want to deal with it anymore. There's no respect and I feel like I should get out now while the kids are still young. I need to figure something out and I guess I just came here to hear others who are in similar situations and just to vent.
If you want to try for your kids, I would understand but if you are too stressed it may not be good for your pregnancy. If you've never tried a separation, I would do that first.
My husband is an alcoholic and I definitely try to hold him accountable. He has to come home at a certain time and that expectation doesn't change even if he breaks the rule. There are consequences if he he doesn't listen. Surprisingly he finally came home on time the other day. It took 3 years to make that progress, so I guess you really have to ask yourself if you have the patience.
I understand if you want to go and also if you want to stay.
Also, have tried to get counseling? It helps to talk about things with a professional. He may need to address skeletons in his past.
If you think he is just too comfortable disrespecting you, then get out. But if you feel he is lost, try to help him. I've been actively helping my husband over the past three years and he's made a lot of progress. As wives, we have to get involved more and not leave it up to them.
He will also be a father to your kids regardless and so it is best to figure out a strategy to address what he is going through. We don't have kids yet, so I don't have to worry about that part but that's what I would try to do if I did. You don't want to be alone raising them.
At the end of the day, he has to quit on his own but there are ways to make it more manageable for everyone involved.
Good luck and feel free to keep in touch. Don't feel like you are alone. I understand what you are going through!