Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
Finally my AH found some sobriety and we were good for almost 4 months! I was reluctant at first but our relationship was finally starting to heal a bit and he was really trying. He finally even got his dream job back and was supposed to start Monday, yes as in this Monday! And of course, as always, whenever everything is good and he is about to get everything back that he had been wanting and working so hard for, he falls off the wagon and self sabotages himself. My birthday is this weekend and he's ruined all plans we had, hasn't even gotten ma a card let alone a present and my weekend will likely be spent trying to get him sober so he'll show up to work Monday before he throws it all away and it's too late. I know I cant really stop him, but somehow we always want to try don't we?! I cant tell you the last time I had a good birthday, got a present on the day of or a cake...it's been overshadowed for probably the past 4 years at least. It makes me sad that I go out of my way each year to try to show him appreciation and celebrate him and just weeks later when mine rolls around, nothing. I fear everything I thought we were getting back is going to be ruined. I feel stressed trying to think of ways I can help to fix but I know at the end of the day I cant and i'm stuck just watching and waiting...
In the 1 year I've known him, he ruined Fourth of July, Thanksgiving, Easter, Christmas, my birthday, the birth of my first son, even Superbowl...the only holiday he got right was Valentine's Day AFTER WE BROKE UP! Oh, the irony.
And he "quit" his job last Friday, after calling in sick 2 days that week from withdrawals.
So you are in good company with us here on this site and certainly not alone. I too like to buy him beer (he's broke all the time) so that he will be happy. And then I like to control it and say, "you can only have 1...okay, you've had 2 already? Okay, you're opening a third? Okay, you can't drink tomorrow!" And then what does he do tomorrow? He drinks!
I also wake him up because he doesn't set an alarm clock, or he turns it off and passes out again.
How long have you been with your AH?
AH has lost himself again. In alcohol and prescription drugs. He is mean nasty and defensive.
I cannot stand him walking around trying to act sober. He is sixty two years old and it is very unattractive to say the least.
It is 3am he is passed out down on the couch.... At least he is snoring Down there. Looks like he ruined his glasses, all scrunched up under his arm.
I stood over him just staring realizing ....YUCK.
I am awake because one of the dogs got sick, and then I took both dogs out.( by the way it is beautiful out, so I sat out there or a while) he probably fed her something he shouldn't have ( usually the case.) anyway she seems better now.....and I am wide awake with my thoughts........
Two years ago was my worst birthday with my AH. We went out to a nice restaurant for dinner with the kids. He was so drunk he couldn't figure out how to eat and was having trouble talking. He still was able to tell the waitress and then the chef that the food was awful -- "send it back!"
I was mortified and had to hold it together because the kids were there. They were also embarrassed but mainly sad for me.
Actions and words. I got to the point with my AH that I did not want to go or do anything
If we went somewhere together I would be so uneasy knowing he will be drinking and
Say things to or about me or other people around us, constantly criticizing others.
If we went to visit family he would have to stay at the hotel because he wanted to
Smoke and drink. Heaven forbid if he could not do that whenever he wanted to.
This was not what I wanted for my life.
It almost made me have a life of solitude not wanting to go around anything or anyone.
I pray for all my sister's and brothers dealing this terrible life