I think you are allowed to feel that way. The Lord knows. And He will fill you up when you are empty. But in the right timing. Yesterday, I was feeling pretty furious with God. I was at church alone (as usual), watching the worship band and feeling pretty sad about never being married, about having the wrong relationships with the wrong men, and having to raise my son by myself. And I started to blame God. "Why didn't you stop me from making all those bad decisions? Why did you let everyone else Marry awesome men? I don't like your plan and I think it stinks!" And at that moment I resented God, and I was angry with him when I'm usually not. I knew He is always good. I knew he uses all things for our good. But I just felt tired. And hopeless. So I resigned myself to attending church because I knew it was right, but I want going to feel lovey dovey and emotional at church anymore. My relationship was going to be based on worshipping God through actions, even though I didn't feel like it, because that's what's right. And no matter how disappointed I was in life, I still know He's the right choice. And of course in the sermon, I was reminded about patience... Argh patience!! And long-suffering. And I felt a twinge of hope again. But only a twinge. I knew I couldn't give up, although I was close.

Any way, sorry for the long description of myself. Let me get to the point about you. It's okay to feel empty. The Lord doesn't expect you to feel grateful all the time. You are only 45 with many years ahead of you. It won't always be like this. There is long-suffering - some of it is God-centered and some of that long-suffering is not about him. Since I only know your story on here, is there something that's gnawing at the back of your mind that you need to do, but feel like you can't?

I wonder if for the first time in 45 years that perhaps this could be a good thing that you have reached the end of your rope. We all have Rock bottoms before we start doing something different.

Don't lose hope. Don't let yourself become numb. You are not alone. And some day, you won't feel like just a shell. But for now, it's okay that you do.

Thank you JennyBoBenny for the kind words and the reminder. I stayed in the house most of the day yesterday, feeling sorry for myself. I am not sure if I feel much better today, but today I pray. For all of us.

Hi. I am not a person of faith, but I do believe that everything work out in the long run, you just don't know how long the long run is. May that is my interpretation of God's plan. There will be days when all seems bleak and you are allowed to give yourself time for self-pity. But also remember, if you do not change anything, nothing will change. You can only change things you have control over, your attitude, your actions.

Someone once told me, look for one postive thing that happened today and be greatful for that. There is always something postive to find, a warm ray of sunshine, the fact that it is not -20degrees outside, the pants I pulled out of the closet still fit, my cat purred, my shower felt good. I think that a person of faith would be able to say "Thank you God" for these little things. I know that my ackonledgment and being greatful for them makes me feel better.

Big Hug.

Bless your heart this is a terrible thing the government regulates that we the spouce have to take care of our p bed ones that is totally addicted to this junk

Many hugs and prayers