... that is the number of months my AH husband has been sober.  I'm relieved. I'm joyful.  I'm hopeful.  But I'm also worried... lonely... and fearful.

I've been trying to shoulder all the household responsibilities so he can focus on this sobriety.  Trying not to make waves lest it should trigger that sleeping demon within him to awaken.  But all of this is causing a great deal of stress on me which is becoming unbearable and difficult to manage.  

He's been going to AA religiously and meeting with his sponser to figure out the "deeper meaning" and root of his addiction.  But I often wonder, where is my outlet?  When do I get my break?  Will I ever be able to let go of this fear I have of his relapse when I look ahead to the future?  Will my husband ever be a piller of support for me when I'm the one who needs to do the leaning?  

I still have hope, so I'll cling to that with both hands.  "Hope is not pretending that troubles don't exist. It is the hope that they won't last forever.  That hurts will be healed and difficulties overcome.  That we will be led out if the darkness and into the sunshine."

Love to each of you.  I'm going keep praying for that sunshine.