Prayers and

I have to pick up AH from work in an hour and he text me that he loves me. I replied whatever. I am shaking with uncontrollable emotions of anger, and hatred for him bcuz of his stupidity last night. I want to tell him to find his own way home. Or anywhere but here. I'm sick thinking of him coming home and pretending like nothing happened. I think I hate him. I think I should divorce him. Problem #1- his dad owns our house and I have nowhere to go.... God luck to you today Jms and don't hate yourself. If I've learned anything, it's that it's not us, it's them. We're not crazy.

Thanks ! I survived our outing to visit my parents. It was his idea to visit them and my parents love him so...... Yea okay.
So I managed not to engage in idiotic hateful conversation during the 35 minutes ride in each direction. He engages in annoying hate filled road rage rants. I ignored him, and looked out the window. I was especially irritated when he called our sons ( both reall good, grown men ) " those fuckers " I just repeated back to him "those fuckers ?" And looked out the window. Our older son and his gf are storing a few boxes in the corner of an UNUSED bedroom, all neatly stacked and will only be for one month. He was complaining that our son made plans with his visiting brother instead of doing God only knows what with the boxes. I said " oh" and looked out the window. We get home and he wants to know if he scored " Heaven points" for visiting my parents. To this I just smiled and said "yes" ( then silently in my head " you S. O. B." ) it's gonna be a long journal entry day...lol.

JMS: Forgive me, but after feeling exactly like you do in your post, for so long - I actually laughed. I have been so serious, so unable to make a decision because the alcoholic behavior stresses me so much. I have been numb and am wondering why my friends or someone doesn't see it and question me about my lack of personality lately. They don't know the guy who can fake being sober is an alcoholic. I feel like a totally different person - I was so cheerful and happy before I met someone who hid his alcoholism.

I have tried to detach - doesn't work for me. Have left the house to avoid heated discussion about "nothing"! We do not have AA or Al-anon is our town.

Thank you everyone for your posts. I don't feel alone anymore - maybe I need to get a sense of humor about the situation until I make a move.

Sending prayers & on this thread -

Coreen,
PLEASE LAUGH!!!!! We need to laugh it's good for us!. I also am aware that many of my posts are very sarcastic, and I hope that no one is insulted by my irreverence. I sometimes have to make my self not laugh when he is lecturing me about my inadequacies.
There are some wonderful books about detachment out there that gave helped me tremendously. ( I am not a great Al-Anon person, although I know it has helped so many.....) let me know if you want book titles, just message me
And thanks everyone for the prayers.