Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
Life with an alcoholic is difficult at best. I walk on eggshells every minute of every day it seems. So unpredictable, not feeling safe, or appreciated. But wait!!!!!! Sometimes I find myself far too deep into HIS problems, I allow AH to make his problems my problems. After many years living this craziness, and yes, doing the therapy work, I realize it is time to move to the next level of MY OWN healing. I'm taking baby steps, but am figuring a few things out. It's been a quiet couple of days here so I feel like I can " practice" my detachment skills while not in a highly emotionally charged situation. I just keep reminding myself it's not my responsibility to fix things for him, or to be his sounding board, nothing! If he starts picking at me for stupid s***, I refuse to take the bait. Sometimes I am so upset, but don't let him know, then I just find some quiet space to talk myself down. When I find myself trying to control or protect or whatever it is I do inappropriately, I simply turn around and walk away. Guess what? The world does not end. I'm fact hubby barely notices. If he is angry or " punishing " me for somestupid thing or another or trying to manipulate me, it is still hard to bear, BUT since his punishment consists of the cold shoulder and stomping around the house and being bossy..... I just pretend not to notice. So far, so good.
I know this is a bit rambling, and please excuse me, but I wanted to post something with a slightly positive spin.
And the positive bit for me is this: I can do this. If I let go of the guilt and fear I actually enjoy my yoga classes, my manicures, my girls nights, and even going to work. It's my own life and I refuse to waste any more on Prince Charming's issues.
I know this is a bit rambling, and please excuse me, but I wanted to post something with a slightly positive spin.
And the positive bit for me is this: I can do this. If I let go of the guilt and fear I actually enjoy my yoga classes, my manicures, my girls nights, and even going to work. It's my own life and I refuse to waste any more on Prince Charming's issues.
I tried so hard the first few years of marriage to fix his problem when I finally realized it was not my problem to fix and that if I chose to stay with him I was going to have to come up with a strategy on how to live with him because I was literally killing myself with stress and worry instead of fixing the problem. So I let it go! I realized that I could stay with him and enjoy the good days with him and when the bad days came around I removed myself from him. We all have different scenarios with our AH. In my case my husband does not drink everyday. Rather he binge drinks. So there are times where he wont drink for a month and then all of a sudden he decides to pick up a bottle of vodka and get slammed for 2-3 days. Those days suck for us. But when he is sober he is amazing and I love doing things with him. I love my husband dearlly and I have no intention of leaving him but I had to figure out how to live with him without making his addiction the center of our relationship.
So far so good, weve been together 10 years. Im not saying I dont struggle some days because I would be lying. Nothing is picture perfect but I can say that I do my best to control my life and leave him to control his. I know that it is his decision to make on when he chooses to leave the bottle. When that day will be only GOd knows. I pray that that day will come. All I can do is have faith. And one last note, Yoga is amazing to deal with the AH. Ive been doing Yoga for 8 years and I believe it gave me the patience and awareness I needed to make the changes in my life to be free from the ill effect of alcoholism. Best of luck to you!
Now I still get lonely I miss the husband that loves me and makes me feel loved. I know that will never be back
I'm here now as his care giver. I do have to get away to get myself back together.
Alcholics make the whole world wrap around them nothing else matters
We have to make our time count for us