So sorry to hear this. I feel for you and the pain you are going through. It must be a big disappointment for you.
It's good that you are seeking help and looking at things realistically. Sounds like you have a few things going on- emotional abuse when sober and a drinking problem. Both are serious and can cause you great damage, as you know. You seem healthy and realize that you are not causing any of these issues and that the problem is his. It affects you greatly, but there is nothing you can do to solve it. As many on this site will attest, talking and problem solving and bargaining don't work.
If possible, get help and support for yourself. AlAnon has been helpful to many. Maybe counseling with someone who specializes in helping spouses of alcoholics. Also, you are very young and you have a great potential future ahead. Be realistic and set some boundaries for yourself. What will you do if he continues to drink? Do you have somewhere to go? What will the consequences be for him? Can you support yourself? It's important to be realistic and have a plan. You need to protect yourself.
Those of us dealing with drinking problems need help and support. Being alone is too hard. Try to find support. Take care of yourself. I know that can be hard, but it's so important. Trust your feelings, even if they scare you. I'll be praying for you sister!

Many hugs and prayers. It's a very hard and painful road you are going down
And will only get worse if he does not want to change . Please be realilistic to yourself
And if he does not want help ..you must help yourself while you are still young and got your
Whole life ahead of you. Marriage can only work if the two are willing to give it
Their all. I pray for both of you. Counseling ..AA for him

GuitarGirl2112 - First of all, be proud of yourself for recognizing and reaching out. I noticed from your profile that you seem to be really motivated to help others and that can be a blessing and a curse. Being concerned about others shows true compassion. I know you want to help him, and I hope he can see the light and that HE wants to be helped, but don't make it your responsibility to fix him. express how you feel about his drinking and make it clear to him what you want to happen, what you will and won't accept. But I also noticed you posted about hurting yourself and taking up old habits, and I hope you are working with a counselor or professional that can help you. We're all on this board for the same reason, and I'm so sorry you're experiencing this, It can be a hopeless feeling at times. If you think your husbands alcholoism is contributing to your own self-destruction, then you really, REALLY need to step out of the relationship for a while to focus on yourself. One thing I've learned in my 12 years of marriage (just now learning) is that I can't change what my husband is going to do, but I can change how I react to it, feel about it, and DO about it. Please take care of yourself.

I wrote my young self a letter the other day. ( i know thats a little crazy. lol) But being in my marriage for 22 years. I married young and now I am in my mid 40s. What I told myself in my letter was "to stay focused on myself, stay in school and not to get married" I guess i am telling you this because you are so young and I dont want you to have regrets when you get my age. You have your whole life in front of you, and I know it's not fair for me to tell you what I really want tot ell you and that is, to get out before you waste your whole life on a drunk. I know that not every situation is the same and that your husband may straighten up and you may live happily ever after. Uugh, I am sorry. I know I am rambling. I just hate to see another young girl have to go though what we have all been through. I guess I am still talking to that girl in the letter.

My advice, do what makes you happy. If you are not happy, change. Only your husband can change himself. Be accountable for you and your life. Read our stories. Don't become us.

I can totally relate to you. I have been married now for 14 months. I had concerns about his drinking before we married and even threatened to not go through with the wedding if he didn't get it under control. Well, obviously that was just a threat. About 5 months ago it started spiraling out of control. He went from just drinking every night after work and on the weekends to taking days off from work and being drunk from morning to sleep. Then, his grandpa died in June and what started as bereavement turned into short term disability because he now has anxiety and depression. Alcohol was being hidden, beer turned into vodka, and he was drunk all day every day. I left a few times and always came back, his parents got involved and took him to their house a few times to get him sober. Although I believe they are in denial about how bad this is. Now, 4 months into being on disability, failed attempts at getting sober (they were half ass attempts to passify me), I've had enough and told him I'm ready to file for divorce. Crazy thing is, now all he can talk about is what an unsupportive and unattentive wife I have been since we met. He does not believe he has a problem and that really, its all about our marital issues. I feel crazy and sometimes insane as I start to believe that maybe he doesnt have a problem, maybe it is all my fault. I've started going to Alanon meetings and counseling for myself as we continue to try to fix it in marital counseling (although it feels over for me). Hugs to you! I feel your pain.