THOUGHTS BY

' Dale Duck '













I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with ' Guess' on it.
So I said 'Implants ' ?

She hit me.











How come we choose from just two people to run
for president and over fifty for Miss America ?







Now that food has replaced sex in my life,




I can't even get into my own pants.










I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing.
If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place !




When I was young we used to go ' skinny dipping,' now I just ' chunky dunk.'











Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.




Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply
press ' Ctrl Alt Delete ' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!













Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison ?

Acompletely brilliant question !!!!!!!




Wouldn't you know it....
Brain cells come and brain cells go,

but FAT cells live forever.










Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the
Ten Commandments can’t even be displayed outside ?

Another completelybrilliant question !!!!




Bumper sticker of the year:
' If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier '














And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper.

The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.