Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
After almost 26 yrs. of marriage, be dear husband, Tim, passed away from sudden cardiac arrest (2 years ago). It happened 1 month after my mother died from a longterm illness. I have 2 daughters, now ages 20 & 22, that suffer from mental illness, substance abuse, etc. Most contact with my children is initiated by me, unless they are short on cash. When their dad was still alive, they would be in cahoots and steal from us and lie to get drugs. It was absolute hell. issues caused an extreme amount of stress on the family, and deep down I wonder if the stress contributed to my husband's death. I would never share this feeling with them, and no good would come of it.
A little over 3 months after Tom died, I entered into a relationship with John who was a friend to Tom and I for over 12 years. I was the one that pursued John. If I had a do over, I would have waited longer, but what's done is done. John is a wonderful man, makes me laugh, and I love him dearly. I loved my husband Tim, with all my heart and we had a great marriage. I will never "get over" Tim, he will always be a part of me. John is not a replacement for Tim...there is no replacement.
My children do not live with me. My daughters are upset that I started dating John so soon after their dad died, understandibly. At present, John and I have been together for about 1 1/2 years, and spend most days together.
A major problem right now is that my daughters are furious that I have invited John to have Easter dinner with us and our extended family, and I am the one coordinating the dinner. They are furious! I invited John at Christmas, and they screamed at me and threatened to boycott it if John attended. Per my therapist advice, I held firm and told them that I was sorry that they wouldn't be joining us and offered to celebrate XMAS with them by taking them out to dinner on a different day. My therapist told me to tell them that I have a lot of love in my heart and I won't exclude anyone. They are pissed. I feel like not even celebrating Easter at this point.
Any advice??
A little over 3 months after Tom died, I entered into a relationship with John who was a friend to Tom and I for over 12 years. I was the one that pursued John. If I had a do over, I would have waited longer, but what's done is done. John is a wonderful man, makes me laugh, and I love him dearly. I loved my husband Tim, with all my heart and we had a great marriage. I will never "get over" Tim, he will always be a part of me. John is not a replacement for Tim...there is no replacement.
My children do not live with me. My daughters are upset that I started dating John so soon after their dad died, understandibly. At present, John and I have been together for about 1 1/2 years, and spend most days together.
A major problem right now is that my daughters are furious that I have invited John to have Easter dinner with us and our extended family, and I am the one coordinating the dinner. They are furious! I invited John at Christmas, and they screamed at me and threatened to boycott it if John attended. Per my therapist advice, I held firm and told them that I was sorry that they wouldn't be joining us and offered to celebrate XMAS with them by taking them out to dinner on a different day. My therapist told me to tell them that I have a lot of love in my heart and I won't exclude anyone. They are pissed. I feel like not even celebrating Easter at this point.
Any advice??
Meanwhile, I would do exactly as you did with Christmas and offer the kids another date that could be celebrated if they do not wish to be around your new friend.
So sorry you are having this difficulty . . . remember, you have a right and deserve to be happy! Hopefully a solution will be forth coming that will work for all. I'll be thinking of you. xo, Dayna
if you can be happy and love again, that is awesome, I'm very happy for you
I wouldn't tolerate that behavior, at all.
Sorry to hijack your thread.
Our children can be very selfish with their own emotions. They go on with their lives almost uninterrupted while ours come to a screeching halt. Be good to yourself and enjoy this new person in your life.