My heart breaks for your story JenniB. You are as young as a widow can be.
It is not about getting a "new" and "fresh" start. It is not about the end of the rainbow. It is about living moment-to-moment, trying to surviving through the grief bursts that're drowning you at this moment.

This will be a journey about rebuilding yourself in the face of devastation. How to live with that raw pain and hurt. Hard lessons to learn, but you (we) will get better at it.

Jenni, first let me say how sorry I am for your loss. I was with my husband for 24 years. He was truly my soul mate. Over the years and at his memorial service, countless people told me how perfect we were for each other and how great we were together. I even have an unmarried friend who told me many times over the years that Dave and I were an inspiration to her and gave her hope that she could find love like ours one day. Your age and the amount of time you spent together doesn't have anything to do with it. Love is love and loss is loss, no matter the age. The people who are telling you that you're young and you'll get over it are speaking out of ignorance. I sometimes believe that you young people can feel pain even more acutely than older people simply because you don't have a lifetime of experience with which to gauge your emotions. That said, please believe that the people who are saying these things to you just don't know what to say. They simply don't understand. They mean well, but they don't get it. I'm only two months further along than you on this journey, and it is a journey! Every day is hard right now, and it will continue to be hard for a while. Cry and scream and grieve, and understand that it's okay to grieve. You've been through a horrible loss and it takes time to get over it, if you ever really get over something like this. Fortunately, or unfortunately though, time is the only thing we have and as it passes, things do get a little bit better. I actually have days when I don't cry now. They are few and far between, but they're there. That in itself gives me hope. Please take care of yourself and continue to come back here. Everyone here understands and will do everything they can to help you through this. <3 Anita

Young,

Each person's loss is individual to them. While you may have been together for 4 years which is less time than many of us were with our spouses that we lost, you have also lost a lot more of what you expected to be a future than those of us who are older and, through the natural course of life, closer to the inevitable end where we will depart this life. The loss of the person's company and companionship in the present and the loss of that future for you will feel overwhelming.

The unfortunate reality of this situation is that a "new" or "fresh" start is not what any of us "want". It is however the reality of what we are left facing. Your loss is very fresh and while people are trying to be compassionate and kind in saying you can start new or fresh given your young age, they are missing the point of your loss in the here and now. For today, focus on getting through each day. Simple tasks may be painful. Stopping at the grocery store will inevitably force you to confront the items your husband enjoyed eating and remind you that he is not there to enjoy those items. It will suck and hurt. I had to avoid malls for close to a year as I would see something in a window and find myself thinking "that would look amazing on .. " at which point I would remember I no longer had my spouse to buy clothes for and walk by.

Take the time you need and do not let people rush you with their good intentions or kind. heartedness. In respect to not wanting to get through this, I can understand your feelings. In many ways I felt that it should have been me that died and not my spouse as she had so many wonderful things to live for. Having watched her fight to beat cancer up until the last hours when the morphine made her unconscious, it has made me realize how much of a privilege it is to be alive when other people who struggled hard for that privilege lost it through accident or disease. As much as I miss my wife I believe that giving up on living would be incredibly disrespectful to her memory and the life that she lived and so I continue on. The first year is usually the hardest and the loss will never go away. Take the time you need to learn to live again and to deal with your loss. If necessary, seek some grief counselling and always remember to breathe.

Hi JenniB,
My heart break for the untimely loss of your husband,I don't think the people that's sharing with you mean to offend you in anyway...because it was done to me also by people older than myself...and I'm 58 years of age.,..what they were trying to say to me was that my life doesn't end where Iam presently.They weren't telling me to go start dating right away nor were they telling me to just forget about my husband...they were simply telling me that it's not the end of the world and while grieving and going through the widows fog,don't lose prospective on everyday life.In my opinion...pain,sorrow,grief,loss and everything that goes with the loss of a spouse is what it is....the age of the person can't be categorized because at 58 years of age doesn't mean that I feel any less than a younger woman in their 20's pain is pain...if I may be candid with you I really feel like iits harder for people my age because we're older.Plz know that we in this group feel your pain because that's why we're here....my husband and I have 21 and 22 year old daughter's that's grieving the loss of their father and I encourage them to not just grieve for their father but live for him....both are in college so I encourage them to accomplish all of the goals we planned to do before the untimely death of their father.I explain to them that death is a part of life and that we're all going to leave this world one day and that no good time for any of us to pass.What got the girls and myself through this transition of life without our loved one who was our world.. is the fact that this isn't the end...we believe that we'll see him again...and we reminisce about all the good times we shared.I pray you have the strength you need to get through your husband services

JenniB,
It doesn't matter if you were with your husband 70 yrs or 70 days. I was married to my wife for 28 1/2 yrs., I could have so easily married her 3-4 weeks into our dating. We had a deep love and were never apart , other then work of course. So I understand how you feel. Your feelings are yours as well. Whoever is telling you your story, they have no Right to tell it. Your love was between you two and only you two know the strength it had.. I am going on 6 weeks since my wife past, so I am struggling as you are. Keep holding on to your memories. Also know he is always with you. Talk to him, I find it helps me. I have a memorial area in our home and I tell her Good Morning and Good Night everyday, as well as sit and talk with her. I can feel her and I bet you can with your husband. GOD be with You.

Greg (my husband) and I were married for 14 years. We were perfect for each other. I know there wasn't a night we went to bed mad at each other. I had a really good life with him. He died six months ago and all I wanted to do for three months is lay down and die. I wanted to be with him so much, it hurt all the time. After six months, I'm starting to move on, I'm starting to believe there might be life after his death. It's difficult to explain but I have joy and grief at the same time right now. There will never be a time that I don't love Greg and miss him but I am starting to look forward to a new era in my life. It all takes so much time, more than I would have ever thought. I pray that you find some peace and joy in your life. I pray that the Lord fills you heart with joy in the places where the loss of your husband left holes. Your heat can heal but it will never be the same again.

JenniB, I am truly sorry for your loss. Please try and not dwell on what people say. They mean well, although we wish to punch them in the face. Only when one goes through this horrible pain do they really understand. Losing a spouse is devastating, regardless of ones age. May God comfort you during this time. Use this board to vent whenever you feel a need to
Cyber hugs

Hi
I have been where you are and I am back here again over the same wife.

My advice to you is
1. Do not rush do it a day at a time
2. No it will never be the same. It will how ever be different and as good one day
3. Be prepared to loose friends... Nothing nasty they will drift away
4. Get out find something to do that gets you thinking take a degree, play bridge anything.
5. Stay away frome booze and drugs they will bring on the blues
6. Dont listen to the 'you will get over this' and later 'its time to move on'. Some do and some dont.
7. Find a councilor cruse are good.
8. Talk cry and yes laugh after all they were good time right

Take your time. Dance with him, love him all you want.

It was 19 months before I started to smile, then something happened and I am right back here, I prey this will not happen to you and why should it. My story could only happen to me.

I am so so sorry but you are young you are strong so take your time xx

Jenni, It just sounds like your disbelief and shock over the facts is what you're dealing with. Acceptance of death/loss is an abhorrent thing. I think we want to hang onto this time and place/state because we never want to let go of them. We don't have to, but we have to live. I hope God surrounds you to help you in this. And remember: "The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning; but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth." Ecc. 7:4

Also Ecclesiastes 7 (actually the whole chapter) however verse 3: "Sorrow is better than laughter; for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better."

There are no words for the loss of your beloved. I cannot imagine the pain of losing one so soon in your married life. May God give you strength hour by hour, I pray you heal your heart and his spirit is with you if that is what you can believe. So sorry for your loss.

Your loss is too recent for you to feel any other way

You were blessed for four years, some women get their teeth knocked out by thier husbands six months after gettting married, some husbands get STDs from thier sweet brides

A lot of people never know love

You ache because you were part of the beauty that is a loving union between a man and woman, you know what been taken from you

Hey, i too just lost my husband 2 months ago, his birthday was last month he would have been 26 & I am 26 as well. I know exactly what you mean and although very comforting a lot of people on here were blessed enough to spend 20+ years with their significant others I wish God allowed us so much time together. People say the same to me it's annoying & frustrating and doesn't bring me comfort. What a fucked up world we live in.