Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Death & Dying
/ Widows & Widowers Support Group

Year One

calgaryhair
calgaryhair
This Sunday, Jan, 31st it will be one year since my husband Ron passed away. I still truthfully cannot believe he is gone and not ever coming home. I seldom cry anymore but I still have moments of sadness. I try to change my mood by listening to music or walking my dog. But I still come to this site for comfort. It breaks my heart when I read the messages from 'newbies". I am so sorry for your lost and oh how I know how you feel!!! But I wanted to share a "tool" that has worked for me. I know I don't have all the answers about how to live this new life of ours but if this can help only one person then what joy! For Holidays or a special occasion, I purposely plan on doing something fun that day. It helped give me something to look forward to instead of a day of dread. For example on what would have been his birthday, I made plans a week before hand to go out with a girlfriend to a special restaurant. For Christmas I invited a bunch of people for dinner. I was so busy I didn't have time to think of missing my Ron on such a special day. For our Wedding Anniversary, I went to a concert of my favorite singer. I was so excited and the concert was fantastic!! I love Burton Cummings and he didn't let me down! We have no choice but to move forward. We have to be kind to ourselves and love ourselves.. But if someone wants to tell me year number 2 will be much easier, I would greatly appreciate to hear that. Thanks for listening. Hope it helps someone. Love, Diane
tiger1962
tiger1962
Diane--our spouses passed the same day. I want to thank you for the company and inspiration. What a year! Just as promised in so much writing.... tears after tears, sadness after sadness, agony after agony, day after day.....all for the light that is going to come at the end of the grief tunnel....and the light is coming and it may be here already. The second year? Let it come...The worst has happened and we survived. We have no fear....Best to you, my dear friend. Biggest hugs from Hong Kong, Tiger
ptorres
ptorres
Diane, my year anniversary will be next Feb 13th. I still cry and am sad most days but like you I am doing my best to move on. Like Tiger said the worst has happened so I can't imagine the second year could be any worse. I hope the best for us all. Take care ~Pete
scottito
scottito
Hi Diane, Thank you for posting what I too am finding - distractions make a world of difference, keeping busy, doing my best to have fun. It surely helps. ~~ Scottie
perso
perso
I have just passed the one year mark and I too have moments where I think he will be coming home. He is still so much a part of my thought process every day. I do not know if that will ever change. What I do now is really focus on steadily keeping busy. I find myself much more accepting and thankful. The support system has ebbed away slowly but it had given me the strength to balance my life. Take Care, Carol
Rainycreek
Rainycreek
Diane, With your great attitude and incredible taste in music, you are going to be better than OK this next year.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE music, and do this super annoying thing where I make good use of the repeat button on my CD player. I can listen to the same song an amazing number of times. Burton is my most favorite ever. I saw him in Lethbridge when I was a teen and I can still tell you what he was wearing. :) You Saved My Soul is a top contender for my most cried along to song and possibly I had some memorable moments while staring at my Dreams Of A Child album cover, in my 20's. =:O Darn, I didn't even know he was in town last year. Deerfoot Casino?

Have fun on Sunday doing whatever you have planned! I love your idea and am stealing it. It will be a wonderful way for my granddaughters and I to honour my husband and my daughter and our memories of life with them..

You made me smile and it's only partly because I realize I still have all my albums from my misspent youth, and my neighbor is at work and my dog is deaf.
It's all good. :)
Take good care.
Love and Peace,
Sue
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
Each year is different. The fact the gut wrenching pain has changed to sadness is progress. Often the memories will bring a smile now. It can be a year of self discovery. Finding the individual who you are and have become is difficult but also exciting as you choose your destiny. You develop a power to say yes or no, because it is what you want now. You can live on your terms and conditions. The road we travel has less shadows and more bursts of sunshine that was hidden for so long. There will be rain, as that's part of living, but you know with confidence you can weather the storm, because you have defeated the tusomi and more than Survived you are standing on dry land. Sharon
carrie415
carrie415
Everything said seems to relate to me,,,going on ten months I sometimes wonder where I am at this pointI am not at a low point everyday like I used to be,,,but I also found the art of keeping busy. I have my moments, plenty of them, but am focusing on what adventure lies ahead when at one time I was not capable of looking any further to the future. Chin Up, Smile and try to move forward but with always a heavy heart.
cgriff4ever
cgriff4ever
I have found, that coming up on my one year anniversary of losing my husband in march, will be such a upsetting day for me. I don't anticipate the sadness, I just know it will be a very sad day for me. So I have decided to do something, that day, so that i am not home, and can keep my mind busy. I'm so sorry we are all experiencing the passing of our spouses anniversary. Much love and big hugs carla
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