Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

3,758 Members
19,465 Posts
0 Online
Death & Dying
/ Widows & Widowers Support Group

Wow, was I wrong

myloveforever
myloveforever
I felt down all day today. Another Holiday without my girl. So I decided to come down to the bar in the basement and play "karen and Joe's" playlist. All our favorite songs. Thought it might put a smile on my face.
It brought back memories of her smile and her laugh, and that beautiful, beautiful face, and it made me feel worse rather than better.
I understand that the loss of my girl is still very new to me. I haven't been able to watch our favorite tv shows, and now, tonight, I found out I can't listen to our music, Doesn't seem like a very promising future.
The song Tammy just came on. When this song came on Karen would put her hair in pigtails and sing it because I always said I was in Love with Debbie Reynolds when I was ten. Sorry, that just happened.
I guess what I'm asking is, do these wonderful, beautiful memories that make me sad now because she's not here with me, become wonderful. beautiful memories again.
Joe
grievingguy
grievingguy
I'm having a tough time today, too. My mistake was picking up an old photo album. I'm filled with regret that I didn't value those times even more, and it finally dawned on me today that it should have been me. She was a better person.

For myself, it's simply too painful to remember her. I don't even want to think about the past, because it just brings pain and regret. Intellectually, I know we had many great times. I know she loved me, but all I can focus on is the ways I took her for granted.
AfterMom
AfterMom
We learn in hard ways, don't we?
sorry.
you are a good man, and I know you made her happy as she made you.
eighty8
eighty8
Marylou passed 10 months ago, and I went back to work two weeks later, driving over-the-road...in the beginning I would play some of our dating music, Alabama, and when I would try to sing along, I would just dissolve in tears, I couldn't get a single song.
Now, I am finding it is easier to sing along without losing-it...over time, I have gotten used to the idea that it is the memories that bring her Spirit back to me...
....where she always has been anyway!
onebrokenheart
onebrokenheart
Joe, I am at just over 3 years. I can listen to our music again but sometimes I cry. I still hurt but it is a little different now. It is a long road we travel in our grief but each bend in the road brings new awareness. Many of my beautiful memories bring me peace and make me smile now. In the beginning I could not speak of Don without crying. There for a while I actually stopped talking. I just had no words to express my pain. Now I can and do talk relentlessly as some here have found :) I can tell stories about Don and even laugh again. The pain does not go away but it becomes something you learn how to live with. Hang in there.
raininseattle
raininseattle
See if this passage speaks to you, Joe.
http://www.dailystrength.org/people/5057601/journal/13984771
eighty8
eighty8
Rain...Each one of us needs to read "Shipwrecks".
loveddogs
loveddogs
just over 11 months for me and I still can't listen to most music. Can't watch his favorite tv shows and yes, just thinking of him often brings me to tears. Just so sad! Hugs and Love to all, Michele
cgriff4ever
cgriff4ever
Joe, yes, they will, instead of concentrating on her death, you will concentrate more so, on the way, and how she lived, the funny stupid, dumb, crazy, loving things. Just the other day me and my girls were reminniscing, about how when you touch daddys left shoulder he would go mmmm and if you touched his right shoulder he would go.. owieeeee, then if you pressed his tummy he chimed the pillsbury dough boy giggle, and we had such great and fun time doing that to him, and yes I did it too.. It may be a couple of years or more, but not be for awhile, but at some point in time, you will start to want to hold onto those more positive memories, as the time will have passed down the road I'm no expert, just talking of my own experiences joe. Much love, and happy easter carla
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
Each tear you shed in sadness of losing her will bring you one step closer to smiling at those wonderful times you shared. It doesn't feel very good right now, but it's true. Grief can not be ignored, avoided, or buried. It must be felt. That's why we go through the grief, not avoiding it or pretending it's not there.

Joe, I know that it's one of the hardest time of your life. But I strongly recommend you find someone who understands to talk to. We all want to avoid the pain of losing our love one. Some eat to excess, don't eat at all, drown the pain, run or hibernate, but none of these work in the end. It must be felt and as hard as it sounds, it must be accepted for the truth it holds. Only then can we find the healing we so definitely deserve.

I'm here for you and so are the rest of us. Sharon
tim57
tim57
On certain days I can listen to music we enjoyed but others I have to turn the station. I don't want to walk away form something my wife loved so much. I am hoping it will get better with time. I know there have been times when I was feeling really down and a certain song would come on the car radio that I just know Linda sent it down. I don't believe it was coincidence.
Peace, Tim
tableforone
tableforone
Hi Joe. I know just how you're feeling. Early on music, and holidays, can be tough. Trust me though, in time you'll remember those moments with her and smile again. Like all the other good things in life there'll be some effort involved but you'll get there. She'd want no less for you and she'll be so happy to know the joy of those memories has come back to you again.
Peace to you,
~John
FaithNLove64
FaithNLove64
There is something so bitter sweet about memories of tender moments with my husband. Especially the memories that only the two of us share, it is hard to swallow that those memories are mine alone now. I am going to start writing them down- and then I will be able to recall them all and they will never be lost.