Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
The weather here has been crazy had tornado warnings and strong storms yesterday. I'm terrified of storms, Jason was always here to comfort me and let me know its just a storm. I didn't want to stay home alone so, I went with the kids to finish their shopping. I actually did good in the store. The ride home home got me, Jason would help me wrap gifts and help make candy.
We decided to have our Christmas this morning to change it up and try to make it not so hard with all the memories of how we usually do things. I managed to make peanut butter balls crying the whole time. My daughter fixed dinner on her own I just couldn't get into it. It came time for gifts I tried so hard to hold it back, I hate seeing the I wish I could help my mom look on my kids faces. Not having gifts under the tree for Jason was heart wrenching, him not here to give the kids a hard time or ask 50 times is the food ready was harder than I thought.
We will be going to my first husbands family in the morning as we have for a few years, they took Jason in as a family member and loved him. Weird I know, but they are a great family. So, I will have the memories of both husbands 2m. I'm only going for my kids and for the family. I'm home alone now and all I can do is cry. I keep getting text and emails wishing me merry Christmas. There is nothing merry about it this year and would like to tell them to stick the merry up their butts..i know they mean well, but they don't understand how hard it is.
Than I received word a good family friend was hit by a car early this morning while doing storm repair. He is unconscious with bleeds on the brain. I'm having a hard time understanding why god allows bad things to happen to good people.
We decided to have our Christmas this morning to change it up and try to make it not so hard with all the memories of how we usually do things. I managed to make peanut butter balls crying the whole time. My daughter fixed dinner on her own I just couldn't get into it. It came time for gifts I tried so hard to hold it back, I hate seeing the I wish I could help my mom look on my kids faces. Not having gifts under the tree for Jason was heart wrenching, him not here to give the kids a hard time or ask 50 times is the food ready was harder than I thought.
We will be going to my first husbands family in the morning as we have for a few years, they took Jason in as a family member and loved him. Weird I know, but they are a great family. So, I will have the memories of both husbands 2m. I'm only going for my kids and for the family. I'm home alone now and all I can do is cry. I keep getting text and emails wishing me merry Christmas. There is nothing merry about it this year and would like to tell them to stick the merry up their butts..i know they mean well, but they don't understand how hard it is.
Than I received word a good family friend was hit by a car early this morning while doing storm repair. He is unconscious with bleeds on the brain. I'm having a hard time understanding why god allows bad things to happen to good people.
About this time on Christmas Eve, my wife and I would be returning from a Christmas Eve visit to my wife's family and I would be pushing my wife, Debbie, to open one of her gifts early and not wait until Christmas morning. She would always say no but then would always open one that I had placed in a special place each year for Christmas Eve. It was an annual ritual. Last year, I placed a large amount of cash in a box. We had lost an old German Shepherd that was a true friend and she was pushing me for a German Shepherd puppy. She asked why she was getting cash and I told her it wasn't cash. I told her it was really a layaway payment on a new German Shepherd puppy. I can still see that beautiful smile that spread across her face and stayed there through the evening and all of the next day. We waited and waited on the puppy as I had a business trip to Miami in June, 2015, and she wanted to go with me for the week. We jointly decided to wait on the puppy until after the long business trip. We returned to Houston and I began looking for a new puppy. I found a new litter that was ready and played a bit of a trick on her. I took her money for the puppy and placed more money with it. When we went to pick up the puppy in late June, she was shocked to learn she had just acquired two little beautiful German Shepherd puppy sisters. Anyone seeing her reaction would have thought she had just want the Powerball Lotto. She bonded with them immediately and I see them as a constant reminder of her every day. A huge part of Christmas for me each year for 30 years has been about surprising her with the unexpected. That type is what I am going to miss about Christmas for the rest of my life.
I am in a state of shock that a holiday that has always been of such great joy can suddenly turn into such an intense nightmare. How
can such tremendous joy for one day of the year turn into such a massive level of pain so suddenly ?
I'm so sorry that you're going through this at such a young age. I'm sorry that Jason didn't have the long life that everyone should be allowed to have. And, that the two of you won't be sitting on the front porch when you're in your 90's with each other.
I don't pretend to understand what the "plan" is and why some folks are given long lives with each other and others are robbed of these years together. It makes no sense and has no rhyme or reason.
Please know that you're NOT ALONE. There's lots and lots of us out in the world who are right there with you.
Try and get through the holidays as best you can.....don't try to be brave for anyone. Cry when you need to, feel sorry for yourself and remember to eat and drink lots of water. When we cry we can dehydrate ourselves.
I wish you strength and peace in the new year,
Roz
Lifeisunreal your right the little things and memories of past Christmas with our spouses are very hard and now the holidays seem like a nightmare. It has to get better or I pray for all of us it does and next year is better.
Our Amish neighbors came up brought some goodies and sat on the porch and had a cry with me and talked of Jason. They were good friends and helped each other all the time. Sometimes its the ones that you wouldn't think could help are the ones that help the most.
Wishing you all the best Christmas thats possible.