Interesting article....and a lot of truth in it.

Thanks for sharing the link.

What doesn't kill me makes me stronger?? That seems to be the basic thrust of the article. I wonder if it's more a case of being stronger to start with and happening to have wound up widowed/widowered. I don't know. I have seen all levels of coping and not coping here for 6 years.

Kara, did you find the article uplifting or depressing? I know I am tougher now than I was before I lost Cliff, and I do deal with chronic pain which is what they were studying - I have arthiritis in my hands - but I am not sure I found the article reassuring. In a way, my reaction was more like "No s**t Sherlock - whatddya think?" LOL!

Thanks for sharing it. It's a curious idea, and I will look forward to the further research, too. I suppose I should be glad there is SOMETHING positive that comes from the loss.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I think I found it interesting. not depressing or anything. but an interesting study...that once you lose what you love most and get through it that then nothing else hurts as much I suppose. glad u found it interesting too.

I like the results, but it does need further research. Less than 2000 in the survey is small, but from my perspective it has potential. I'm not sure if you're stronger going into widowhood has a barring on how you
come through the process. People who knew Don and I as a couple would say I was very strong and so would have I. After he was gone, I realized how much that strength came from having him by my side. I went through total weakness, picked myself up and learned the hard lessons we all struggle with. It doesn't matter if you are in another relationship or not now. I believe we are far stronger than at least I ever thought I could be. Sharon

Good article ...
What has been written is found at the end of grief path ...
It sucks to pay such an immense price to find one's strength & purpose in life ...
Sadly, this is the reason it takes such a long time to process grief but its well worth it to keep from going crazy ...
And its why so many jump ship ...
The pain, the work & the chaos are unbearable for a good many ...
Even if it means drinking, drugging, promiscuity or marrying someone-anyone as a distraction, to escape from it &/or to have company while grieving ...
It is preferable to learning to be single & to cope w/it till a full recovery has been made ...
I know how hard it is to be widowed w/children; its simply hell on wheels - no time to grieve alone - no time to rest - life moves fast w/out breaks/brakes - then there's helping them w/their grief ...
At the same time it was a relief to do it w/out anyone interfering ...
I had to learn how to be good w/my decisions for myself, my kids, the houses, the vehicle, etc ...
And learn how to be single at the same time; I hadn't been on my own in 33 years ...
I'm a firm believer in healing before undertaking a major decision that can affect one's life & that of children involved ...
Heathly mind, body & spirit ...
Healthy choices & fortitude to bear whatever hardships life brings ...

My other belief is there are some people who truly believe as well as will not live their life w/out a navigator &/or protective shield ...
They could simply wander aimlessly till their life ends & that would be incredibly sad ...
Point is no matter what is gained from grief & not remarrying during it - we all will make major choices at some point - good or unpopular - for better or worse ...
We just need to own up to our freewill choices for peace of mind & do the best we can with what we have ...
May there be light on your journey ...

Karatxmo said ".that once you lose what you love most and get through it that then nothing else hurts as much I suppose."

I did not read the article, lol, but in responding to the above observation let me offer this:

I believe that your perception of reality changes after you suffer a great loss in order to work through it.

When our daughter died, my expectations were that it could happen to anyone at any time so my expectations that everyone in my family would be ok were diminished.

So, it was "easier" to deal with my wife getting terminal cancer at 50 because you KNOW that horrible things happen no matter how careful or good you are.

You are the same person you were before a horrible loss, but your view aint. That is the way I understand it.

Even if it means drinking, drugging, promiscuity or marrying someone-anyone as a distraction, to escape from it &/or to have company while grieving.

I dont think I would place "falling in love with someone" and marrying them in the same category of drinking and promiscuity. Love is the part of life that makes living worthwhile. It doesn't necessarily lead to marriage because it comes in many forms.

Perhaps I have faith in the human spirit to make decisions for their own life, I recovered from grief after much searching for my own identity as a woman without a partner or marriage. I moved forward from that point to meeting someone who shares my passion for life. Let's give people credit for making their decisions that are right for them. We often say that grief is very individual. We also advise not to jump into a major solution before completely looking at the end result.

Making the decision to date or marrying someone-anyone is as individual as we are. Many of us here have made that successful decision and will live happily with it.

I get defensive when people are made to feel they "need" to find a mate, because they don't. I am equally annoyed when it is suggested that they should not be open to the future. That's why the Hopeful Hearts - Living After Loss exsists. To be open to discuss our own options.

Just my humble opinion. Sharon