Hello. First let me say how sorry I am for your loss. I lost my wonderful husband in December, 2008 and have found this site to be so much help. I have never belonged to a widow's group to attend in person; however, over the years I have tried a couple of support groups, and my problem with them was as follows. First, I did not like having to limit myself to a particular day, time, and place to discuss the subject. Second, I found that in these groups there were always one or two people who ended up taking over the group, and after a few weeks it always about them and their problems, and I felt that nobody else got much attention. On the other hand with an online group like this, I can go in any time I want and I can participate as much or as little as I want, and it helps to know that so many other people are going through the same thing; I feel less alone in this group than in any "real time" groups I have ever attended. Everyone is different, however, so maybe if you try one of the groups suggested you might like it, and at least you can say you tried it. laurabp

Laura, you hit the nail on the head with one or two people dominating the group, which is what I don't like. I was a participant on the cancercare.org website and the same thing was happening there. Was getting no benefit from it, so I got out. That forum got lowered into bashing God. That was the final straw for me.

I feel the same way about attending group. There will be one or two who will take over and inflict their opinions on everyone else, and make you feel like you have to do these things. Which is why I am better suited in a private setting with someone who understands and respects my feelings.

Thanks for the reply. I like this site so far too.

I couldn't get to a grief group; it was hard enough to be able to get to my counseling sessions (I have 2 disabled sons and work full-time). I was and am so grateful that I found DS - it has remained my lifeline and has been a huge help in my healing. My previous experience with support groups was much like what Laura described. Sometimes it was good, sometimes it wasn't. And sometimes what I needed to discuss just was too private to want to spill the beans face-to-face. You might want to try one or two meetings to see how it works for you. I have to say that I got more help and better support here at DS than anywhere in my life, but that may just be me. Love and Hugs, Martha

I find that with personal counseling, you aren't afraid to open up with anything that is private. With a public session, it is the exact opposite. Sometimes I feel bad enough without being weighed down by someone else's suffering. At least here we can't match faces to posts.

I agree with jerseydebbie - I found one on one counseling, along with this forum, to be just what I needed. This may sound selfish, but I felt I had to focus my energy on myself. That being said, over the past year I've met fellow widows/widowers - some I already knew, some I just met in passing, but we helped each other by sharing our feelings and our stories. For all of the above, though, I'm very grateful. Hugs, Marsha

No Martha. It's not selfish, for that's how I feel. I need to put all my focus on myself and find my strength and weaknesses in order to heal. I can't do that in a room full of people and share their viewpoints as well. Sometimes it just causes too much confusion and what you once felt was right for you now feels like you need to be feeling or doing something else.

It still goes back to grieving being a personalized journey. No one person is going to grieve the same.

Hi Jerseydebbie,I am sorry for your loss. Initially DS and the friends here helped me tremendoulsy along with my close friends.When I needed more I happened upon Gilda's club which is a group for people who have cancer and those who have had the loss of a loved one with cancer. We meet once a week on a specific evening and the loss group meets separately from the group who has cancer. They also have activities during the day and functions on special evenings. When I was first looking for something I did not know what I needed, one on one or group. I joined the group to try it and found that it works for me. The group has been small since I joined a few months ago... no more than 5 people and the leader a social worker have been there at any given time.The social worker makes sure in a nice way to give everyone time and space and not let any person monopolize the conversations. Last night there were four of us total.We talk about different things as they come up.I always feel better after I leave there so it works for me now.

After my partner passed in May 2007, I attended three different (one gay group) grief support groups and I found them to be very helpful and have continued my connections with some of those from the groups.

In the groups, we had grief councelors that monitored the time spent by each including introductions and weekly check-ins. Yes, there are some that share more than others, but I like meeting people in real time and also love this site.

I think what I miss the most is having any family or the relatives I met through my partner Tom, except his immediate family who are terribly homophobic. That is another nightmare.