Your situation is incredibly hard. Sorry for all your suffering. Please see a therapist to help you process grief and depression. hopefully you have some family or friends to help. Life really does suck sometimes.

Thank you I do see a therapist but it really doesn't help as much. Trying to just keep busy in other thingstates

Hi Marthah, I am truly sorry for your loss and personal situation. I wish I had some magical words to help make things better for you. I don't know if your a person of faith, whether you believe in prayers but I will certainly be praying for you and your family.
I understand how therapy sometimes doesn't help. I went to two grief support classes after my husband transitioned but they only helped a tiny bit. I received the most help here on DS. For a long time I shut down and didn't even talk much but I could log on here any time of the day or night and read the posts and that really did help me. Gradually I found my voice again and began interacting, replying to posts. I have even developed several good friends from this place. So I encourage you to spend your sleepless nights here reading and participating when you feel like it. This is a place where others really do get what's happened and so many here really care. So welcome to the place no one wants to be a member to. Take care of yourself and please stay in touch. God bless. Cheryl

Just trying to encourage you. do you like your therapist ? are you able to talk about your feelings ? Are you doing some journaling when you feel emotional pressure that can be expressed? therapy takes time to work at it and see the benefits. are you able to sleep, eat and walk for some exercise at least moderately well? Try to do some small thing for yourself every day.

Oh Martha....words fail me right now.....my heart hurts for you, your children and the loss of your husband. You have just survived chemo for Leukemia, while pregnant. It's all too much .....I'm so sorry.
Please contact the hospital, where you had your treatment...I'm sure they will be following up, on your health. The hospital usually have counsellors available, for cancer patients.....they would be a great help to find you resources and people to talk to. It's good that you are sharing with us too.
Please keep posting and sharing, let us know how things are.......
Take care...we are here for you........Sandra

Thank you all for your support and wisdom. I have family support but days are longer and the pain just sinks in allday long I don't understand why God takes away the person you need the most. My heart achs for all of you who have experienced grief

Hi Martha,
I'm Tim. My wife went to heaven in August of 2015. I left for work one morning and returned to find her gone. No warning no indication she was feeling poorly just gone. A year later and I can't recognize myself from those early days. I am a man of faith and if not for that I wouldn't be here today. I found this site during those early days and the most encouraging part is there are people who have gone thru several levels of loss here. So folks really do understand what this is. Most important be patient with yourself. Do what you have to do for you. Don't let anyone tell you how to handle this. Your the one going thru it so take your cue from that. Don't be afraid to vent when needed. And only focus on the day your in. Tomorrow will take care of itself. Just take your time. You have those precious kids to take care of so you know your definitely needed. But don't forget to take care of you. Your in my prayers like a lot of folks here.
Please take care.
Peace, Tim

@Tim57 thank you for your warm words and truth about how this feels it's a difficult mixed emotionAL Rollercoaster and no one truly knows how we feel until they experience it for themselves I hope you will get threw your difficult time like me I have faith that things will get better sooner or later. God bless you and take care of yourselves +

Hi Martha, I know you have a lot going against you. But keep the faith. Each day will unfold itself and you will be better equipped to deal with this eventually. I have clipped this article for your reading.

https://www.dailystrength.org/journals/moving-forward-as-a-widow-parent

With me it was kinda similar with having a motorcycle accident when someone pulled out in front of me. My sweet and caring wife waiting on me and cared for thru several surgeries over a 2yr period. We both even survived a 4 or 5 tornado in a closet while our house was destroyed around us. It was 2013 she was diagnosed with lung cancer. She had the combination of rad and chemo and it ravaged her body so much she was unable to complete her chemo treatments. But it was my turn to take care of my wife of 18yrs. To make a long story short my sweet and caring wife died July 28th 2016. It's only been close to a month but it seems like yesterday. Even tho I find it very hard at times I know in my heart she'd want me to be happy and not mope around all the time. I can certainly understand your grief and the difficulties you're facing every day. All I can say is take one step at a time which is what I'm doing at this time. God will not put to much on us that we can't handle and I firmly believe that. I know by your husband being a bike rider loved life as I can relate to that very easily. My sweet wife knew I'm a free spirited..joking kinda fellow and she'd never want anything to change that and I'm sure your husband feels the same way. Believe me I know this is not easy as my grief is still fresh. But I have faith that it'll get better for I can continue my life and remember the good times and memories I shared with my wife which is difficult at this time. May you find peace and happiness at some point in the future.

I am so sorry you have so much to deal with. I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer a month after retiring. While fighting cancer, my mother died, my husband committed suicide and my daughter went to prison for dealing drugs (I have raised 2 of her children for many years) so I think I have an understanding of what you are going through. My faith, God's love and a good therapist got me through all my struggles. I had to change therapists but the help I received in coping was mentally life saving. Time really does heal our lost souls. I will keep you in my prayers. God bless you.