Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Just when I think things are getting better, bam here I go again. My week with my little grand was wonderful, she kept me so busy. But now I am home again back to my sanctuary/torture chamber and I find my self crying over the stupidest stuff. Tonight I cried over celery salt! Yep, warmed up some soup and opened the cabinet and there it was. Bam, he loved celery salt in his soup. I still can't watch his favorite shows, his news chanel, move his coat off the back of the door or listen to music. This is just crazy. I am so frightened at the thought of living out the rest of my days without him. I still never know when the tears will come or that gut wrenching feelling of emptyness that comes over me and takes my breath away. I miss his voice, his touch, our daily banter the not being able to share the days with him. His calls saying: yeah shell .......! I know nothing will ever be the same, I understand that. Nothing prepares us for this level of pain. With this lack of caring comes this overwhelming exhaustion. No tree up, no decorations, no desire to leave the house if I don't have to. I just can't imagine not spending the rest of my life crying and longing for him. I try to count my blessings and I have so many, but they were all because of him! Yes, we were the lucky ones to have loved for so long and so completely and I know he didn't want to leave. But damnit I am left so shattered, don't even recognize me anymore. It scares me! If this is the price we pay for true love then ok. But how in hell could anyone ever set themselves up to go through this again? They would have to be so much stronger than me. Thanks to all for letting me cry on your shoulders. I don't know where I would be without you. Hugs and Love to all, Michele
Your being able to leave your comfort zone and go be with your granddaughter for a week was a big step. Last night I went to my granddaughter's Christmas program, and I actually enjoyed it. That was a step for me. I hope that each of these steps eventually will lead us to a place where we can again find some contentment with life as it is.
I wish I could be of more help, my friend. Just know I'm with you.
Much love and a big hug,
Linda
Grief doesn't go away. We learn to deal with it. It is a terrible thing that we struggle with. We have lost part of ourself in many ways. Our plans together are gone and must be completed without them. Some cancelled, others changed or done on our own.
The important thing is to take life a day at a time and do what you can. Don't worry about what you think you should do and concentrate on you. If you need a nap, it's okay. If you need to get out, go. If you need to cry, let the tears flow. And know that you are making progress each and every day. Sharon
Peace and ((hugs))
~John
GLE333, I am financially in peril too. but moving to another state? wow. I am way too weak for such an upheaval. plus I'd lose whatever support system I do have. even if it's not enough.
I am going to turn this a little on its head for you and see what happens. It is so hard because you were part of a great team, a magic partnership, say like Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. I used to love their old movies when I was a child with my mother. Their chemistry was spellbinding and beautiful. They each shone, but shone so much more brightly together. The alchemy was there, but it didn't just come from one person, it came from how they interacted. Never duplicated, never the same. You want your chemistry, your sparkle, your partnership. And your partner is gone. Not an easy thing to recover from.
But.... both Fred and Ginger had amazing separate careers and marvelous movies after the partnership ended. They had their own individual sparkle. As do you, all of your blessings were not because of your husband. You had a hand in them as well. You may not see it, but no great partnership is built on just one person. You don't see your sparkle or your strength but its there. And when you start feeling it again, you will start to recognize you again. It may never be Top Hat but it could be Finians Rainbow. A great movie where Fred dances alone.
Hope this makes some sense.
Hugs,
Val
This IS scary and I don't recognize me either. Sharon and John appear to have walked this path for awhile and both have good wisdom and advice. One tiny step, one breath, one moment at a time. Hugs. -Becca
It does seem that the word loneliness is the one word I hear most in time from all. This sight does help for me to connect.