When I was awake this morning I was thinking of writing a note to thank the people who has helped me in the grief journey. I think this message provided me with the motivation (ie. I don't need this s$%^!).

This question is one of the most hurtful question you can ask to a fellow griever. But I can imagine why you are questioning my validity. I'm sorry I don't feel the need to show the death certificate of a beloved, or anything that may fit to your curiosity or satisfaction. Instead I'll offer this explanation.

When I lost my loved one (we weren't married) in August 2015, I had nowhere to turn to, except for a couple of her relatives. I had to console myself in my own grief. I had a monologue with her many mornings and nights, staring at her picture. I was at one of the masses in many weekends, praying for her soul, praying for me, wondering when/if we will meet again. I do have perspective of grief with God on both sides, from a Christian's perspective and from a non-believer's one. I found this group in Jan 2016, it was a tremendous resource. I met my tribe, so to speak. They spoke the broken-hearted language that I speak. Beautiful poems, interesting stories, and a few friends providing me with wonderful support. I will expand on that below.

Reading is where I turned to. I decide to read grief articles every day as a way to self-counsel. I posted many of them in my jounal, as it was a way to time-stamp these articles for my own record. I have allowed most of them to be publicly available, as they are not mine, and someone could benefit from them. The ones that are publicly posted in the forum are the ones I felt are more instructive and not merely expressive of my own thoughts and emotions. What I am doing now, for the most part, is what I wished others would have done for me in my time of need. The reposts and writings that I made on this website is out of my empathy to other ones in grief - I seek neither friendship or attention, or trying to harm this group in any way.

To conclude this message on a positive note, I want to thank a few people publicly in this website for helping my grief journey. Sharon (@Shrn) for welcoming me to the group and a couple of initial conversations. Martha (@cliffskat) for running the forum and keeping things in order. I found a few of her postings were very helpful in the early days of grief. Barbara (@barbarme) for her heartfelt poems and writings. Darcie (@stayinggolden3) and John (@tableforone) for their unwavering positivity and their effort in staying in touch. Sandra (@JesusismySavior) for her feedback and encouragement, Nanette (@emerald15) for her trust in me in telling her story, Nanette (@snowalone) for her encouragment, and Scottie (@scottito) for his  postings, and his enteraining way to express his thoughts and emotions. Grief hit him hard and I do feel sorry for him. Sometimes a distraction of my own misery (not Schadenfreude!) is what I wanted.