Am really feeling your pain tonight....in the same shape........have no answers........just keep plugging along on the bad days............
hugs
L
Habg in there

Marie2224,
I to feel the same way you are feeling now. the love of my wife was what I lived for. We were married for 34 years and I cannot see any way of my feeling better. I do know that dear Rene' would want me to carry on the best that I can until my time comes and we can ne together again

I can relate to what you are feeling. I am almost at 8 months, and for a while I thought I was doing a little better. I miss Brian every single day, but this morning I woke up and it was like I had just lost him all over again. Heard a song on the way to work that reminded me of him and just started crying my eyes out. My emotions just keep going up and down, and I just don't know what to do. The thought of spending the rest of my life without Brian is just too overwhelming. He was my whole life. He would want me to go on, and I am trying but it sure isn't easy.
Hugs to you, Susan

It hurts so bad after a year because the fog has lifted and the pain has prevailed. I'm really sorry and wish there was another way. I think our body stays numb to a point until (at least for me) all the first's are over. Now it's reality and we have to admit we are that w word that's so hard to say.

I am so sorry and will say a prayer that the good Lord will give you peace. Sharon

I AM JUST PAST THE 6 MONTH MARK, AND HAVE BEEN FEELING HORRID FOR THE LAST 2 DAYS. IT DOES SEEM TO COME IN WAVES.
MY MOM SENT ME SOMETHING TODAY THAT SIMPLY SAID "IF YOU ARE STILL ALIVE IT MEANS YOUR INTENDED JOURNEY IS NOT OVER". I DO MY BEST TO HAVE FAITH THAT THERE IS A PURPOSE, I ONLY HOPE I CAN FIGURE OUT WHAT THAT IS SOON!!
HUGS TO YOU
JUDI

Marie,

Yes, it does still hurt and I know that is awful!! It seems like at 3 months, some of the shock wears off a little, and the hurt is hard to endure. Then, usually gets a tiny bit better and then there is the 6 -8 or 9 months, more reality is sinking in and the pain feels worse. We all think that the magical number is 1 yr. We find it is not so! I had a very hard time at 13 and 14 months, then the pain leveled off again. You know as level as it gets at that time, still on a roller coaster of ups and downs. After, the 2 yr mark, I thought, now, I'll be so much better. NOT! For the next 2 months after that 2 yr mark, it was an extreme roller coaster again. Now, for the past few months, I have been 'coasting' along. Oh, the grief wave still hits, just not as often, and doesn't last as long. The crying is more gentle tears than wracking sobs. So, it really does get better at times, and easier at other times.
I'm so sorry, we just have to keep going one day at a time. Your life is not pointless w/o your husband. There is a reason why you are here. It is just finding that reason that has to keep us going. Hugs, Joely

Marie, I could have written your post. I feel everything you said and I am so tired of feeling this way. I obviously cannot offer you any advice as I am coming up on a year (August 10th) and I am a basket case. I am back to sobbing throughout the day (just out of the blue) and my heart aches. They say it gets better. I guess we have to hope & believe it is true. I hope each day brings a little peace & comfort your way. CHERI

I am almost at 8 months and I feel the same. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I am back to not sleeping well It seems that as time goes on it gets harder not better at least to me. I am back to crying every morning. I wish there was something I could say to make all our pain go away, unfortunatley there isn't. Hugs Ellen

Marie, I think the one year thing gets to many of us because we expect to be over the worst of it by then. Perhaps the old fashioned year of mourning that was observed in olden times is at the back of our minds. Also, going through all the "firsts" is over. Whatever the reason, we expect to have it together after the first year and it can be a shock to discover that the loneliness and sense of loss actually gets worse at times. I am at nearly 20 months now and am surprised at how hard it hits me on certain days. I am trying hard to learn to focus on each day as it happens, rather than trying to think about "the rest of my life", which I cannot really do anything about. If today is good, I am thankful; if it is a bad day, I think about the fact that today is not that long and tomorrow may be better. Just know that you are not alone. I hope today will be a better day for you. laurabp

Marie,

The one thing that has been plain to me since joining DS is that there is no time limit to this pain. The last weeks have been just horrible. Yesterday was one year since I buried the love of my life. Reliving the last weeks of his life, which seem to be the last weeks of my life also because I feel as though I died with him, has been non ending pain and tears. Without him, my life has lost meaning.

There is one thing that helps me keep going, this may sound really morbid to some but others will understand. I look at cemeteries and see all the stones. They represent the pain of death that others have dealt with. We are not alone, we were not the first, we will not be the last to lose our loves. But we are as strong as others, it's been done before and we can do this too. It hurts like h--l but there will be days that the pain will become less, the tears will flow less often and the sobs will go away. It will come. One year has passed, one day at a time. We did that and we can do it some more.

Inside of you, there is courage and strength that you have that will carry you thru until you find the light of a different life. You have it in you. Saying a prayer that you see it.
Hugs,
Kathy

Marie, I am so sorry that you are in such anguish, I wish I could take it all away for you. I work hard to not let grief take me over. I am already anticipating the first year anniversary in October trying to build the strength to get through it without slipping into that black hole. Just after the sixth month I found myself there and it took a great while to climb out.
As you see by the many comments, we all feel this loss greatly, you are not alone. You are always in my thoughts and prayers.
Linda

Marie,

I just want to scoop you up and hug you. I have had my share of moments and like everyone here, I understand. Dealing with the second year seemed tougher but for different reasons. Shock and numbness had worn off. The reality of actually picking up the shattered pieces and doing something with them was daunting at times. I have found that sometimes those pieces pierced my flesh and the wound seemed real all over again. No magic potions, it's just putting one step at a time.

Sending my thoughts and prayers to you today.

Marie, there is no magic time period. It basically is what it is.

My husband died 15 months ago, and I very much miss him every day. He was the love of my life for 38 years. I expect to feel bad, sad, cry, ache and pain for him. Some days and times are better, when others simply are not.

I don't fret over the emotional toll it takes anymore, but have accepted it. I feel this way because I love him, because I need him, and because I so much want to be together again.

However, it is not my time. I have learned to love the life I was handed now. The freedom, the lack of worry. No timetable to be home, nor make dinner.

I know my husband would not want me to turn into a vegetable, but would want me to do what makes me happy until we are together again. And that's what I'm doing.

I still hurt and I still cry, but I am also extremely independent and strong-willed.

I am my husband's legacy and will remain so until my time here on earth is done. Mrs. X forever!

I feel the same way you do, and I don't want to live with out him anymore. We did everything together and to be alone, it has been HELL. I think that we have to know our purpose in life. We have to figure out what to do with our lives. Our husband's missions are finished here on earth, and now you and I have to do what we are meant to do. I would consider school, or classes, or something that will put you on the path to healing. It is when I sit and do nothing, the strongest feelings of despair hit me. So I find that I have to be constantly doing something to not have those feelings engulf me. I am so bad right now. If I didn't have children to live for, I don't know where I would be. I would probably be in a mental institution. I feel your pain, and I know that it sucks. I hope you can find purpose in existing. Hugs~Shelley